The other day I wrote the post, The Binky Battle. Today the binky is a blessing.
I was sobbing — I mean SOBBING — last night and this morning. Now, usually I am not a crier. I wish I was. It cleanses the soul let alone the limbic and nervous systems. Many years ago, one of my best friends (you know who you are!) once said to me without any embarrassment, very matter-of-factly and totally accepting of herself, “I cry about once a week!” I was absolutely in awe of her. I’d love to accept my crying so wholesomely.
The sobs as of late have been those “whole self” cries. The ones that rise up from a space deep within. The ones that, when you are finished, you feel tender and paradoxically fragile and strong.
Why the crying? Well, there was a trigger (taking away C.’s binky and hearing her cry as I was with her). But as Eckhardt Tolle says, “You are never mad/sad/angry for the reason you think you are.”
It’s old stuff. Old stuff that I can’t even name well.
But I do know weaved in there was the sadness a mother (or parent) knows: the fact that I cannot protect my children 100% from suffering in this life (I know, I know, nor would I want to). It is an ache within me that wraps around the inside of my ribs and stomach knowing that they will suffer and feel pain and be hurt (yes, I know, rationally and mystically, that suffering draws us closer to the Divine and each other, and beauty, strength, and committed action can sprout from that suffering. But the ego part of me still rejects this truth at times!).
Well, today I experienced yet again that crying can be a release of some of the “stuff” that has been held on to too tightly and has become toxic to the system. The “stuff” that we’ve tried to keep at bay but has really just been there polluting our thoughts, hearts, and actions. And our bodies are now flushing it out.
Often I, along with most of us in this culture, want to pinpoint “the why” to our suffering because we think that knowing “why” will bring relief and healing.
But it doesn’t. Information informs but it doesn’t heal.
A few years back I attended a workshop of Patrick Daughtery (excellent, by the way), a leading psychotherapist who incorporates Qigong into his work. His words have stayed with me, “You gotta feel it to heal it.”
Yes. You’ve got to BE with it all — whatever arises. in. the. moment. And in. the. body.
Allow it. Be with it. Breathe with it. Without reacting in our habitual ways of pushing the suffering away or totally getting consumed by it. Oh what a great reminder for me today!
I often quote Thich Nhat Hanh in my work — this adorable and wise Vietnamese Buddhist monk. He suggests that when there is pain, allow it to rise and say, “Oh there you are, dear one. I see you and that’s why I am here.”
As we allow it all to be present — as we feel it — it just moves through. And healing happens. Our suffering has less of a grip on us. We release our hurts.
It’s been a long time since I’ve treated these particular sufferings within me that had me crying today as “dear ones” and allowed them air to breathe and then move on. Ahhh…what sweet release. What liberation.
So thank you, binky. What a blessing.