Gem of Truth: time to play it safe or take a risk?

Gem of Truth today: right now, in your life, are you being called to “play it safe” and stick to what is known and can be expected and predictable? There is a time for that.

Or are you being called to take a risk, to go into the “unknown,” to take a leap of faith, to follow a deep-seeded dream (ha! I meant “deep-seated! But deep “seeded” is INTERESTING too!!!) within you that has been calling to you (even shouting to you! waking you up late at night!) for so long now? There is a time for this, too.

Whatever season you are…be in it whole-heartedly. Get real with yourself. Embrace your truth. Embody it. I’m with ya’ll!

Me?  I’m being called to “GO FOR IT!”  That late-at-night whisper has turned into a big ‘ol shout: “LIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSA!”  So little everyday risks are in order here, taking me out of my usual way of doing things.  I’m going for it whole-heartedly.

This reminds me of the quote I have on the Barefoot Barn’s website: “We here at the Barefoot Barn believe that bravery isn’t about being fearless.  It’s about daring to be our real, not-all-together selves and finding the miraculous right here within us and our everyday lives. This breath.  These dirty dishes.  This list of “to do.”  This choice.”

So being brave is about BEING the truth within us.  Right here.  In our everyday lives.
Love, Lisa

Thank you for sharing these Gems of Delight (truth, peace, compassion, joy…) with the dear ones in your life.  Thank you for being a part of this community of soulful folks who are about bringing more delight, compassion, and connection in our everyday lives.  Visit the Barefoot Barn for more info.!

Our family’s ban on being busy and in a hurry

When is the last time you talked to someone and they didn’t say they WEREN’T busy?!
A conversation usually goes like this:

“How are you guys?”
“Oh you know, we’ve got such n such going on and then there’s such n such coming up. We’re runnin’ from one thing to the next.”
“Oh I know. We are so busy too.”

It’s so common place that we come to expect people to say they are busy. And we think nothing of it when we say how busy we are.

But we should.

When’s the last time you WEREN’T hurrying to get somewhere?  Didn’t have adrenaline rushing through your veins on the way to work or to drop off your kiddos?

All this being busy and hurrying everywhere reeks havoc on our nervous system. It keeps us in stress mode. And that effects EVERY system in us – immune system, digestive…you name it.

And our children???

Our children’s generation is the first to be so darn rushed all the time from a young age on. What do we think is going to be the impact on our children’s developing brains, hearts, bodies, and relationships to be so hurried all the time, to be so in stress mode all the time???

Well the other night, I had enough. I had enough of treating the clock as a god. I had enough of hurrying my kiddos to eat breakfast and get out the door and into the car to go to school.  I was appalled at how the doctor and nurse (though knowledgable and kind) hurried our daughter through her three-year old check up with rushed hands — and how they probably did this with every other child that day and no other parent thought ANYTHING of it.  Why? Because we are used to it!  We are used to our bodies and presence not being regarded as sacred.

Well, enough, I said.

Sitting at the breakfast table…late…I looked around and I thought, “this is crazy. Our culture has lost all regard for honoring the sacredness of the body, for reverencing and honoring its flow. I refuse to teach my children to not honor their bodies. Let them sleep. Let them eat. Peacefully. And Brian and I are doing nothing for our relationship with our kiddos to be on them and hurrying them. Enough. I call for a family ban on being busy and in a hurry.”

Maybe it’s this mid-life shift thing I’m going through (it’s not a crisis and it’s not an awakening. I’m awake. Now I’m just takin’ action n shiftin’ stuff. Big time.).  I’m taking more responsibility for MY life and how I want to live it. No one else is going to be at my deathbed with me and the divine.

It’s going to be me and the Big G reflecting back on my life and asking, “Did I love fully?  Did I live fully?”

It won’t be: “Did I get the kiddos to soccer practice on time?”

Instead I’ll recall images of me and Brian being present with our children.  I’ll recall regarding them and seeing, really SEEING, their needs…and responding to them.  I’ll recall holding Little C. for awhile longer even though we are late for a playdate.  I’ll recall letting Big A. sleep in, leisurely being with him (with my eyes, my attention, my tone of voice), and then going to school.  I’ll recall the times I remembered what is most important.

mutual regard

So it’ll take some time (ha!) to get the busy and the hurry out of our nervous systems. But I am committing myself to “the ban on busy”. I’m committing myself to not being in a hurry.  To slowing it all down.  And really, there is no time to be in a rush.  Life is precious.  Short and precious.

Drop the Mama Guilt and Get Resourced

I’m a mindful parent. I also work with parents every day to bring more compassion and mindfulness into their lives, including their parenting. I think it’s fabulous how much attention parenting is getting these days. What drives me nuts are posts on some parenting sites and blogs that guilt mamas (and dads) into loving every minute of being a parent and being absolutely perfectly present in every moment.

Holy tamole. It’s too much! There is soooooooooo much focus on how to parent in loving and kind ways – how to effectively manage tantrums, teenagers talking back, and messy rooms. (Actually there is too much information out there that folks don’t know where to go and what to advise to listen to…and so they feel frozen).

And while that’s great, what I DON’T see much of is this: resourcing mom and dad. Teaching mom and dad how to be gentle and kind to ourselves. How to allow ourselves to be human. How to be present to our own hearts and yearnings and sadness and yes, even rage and mourning. And learning to gently tend to and nourish ourselves.

That’s the “harder” stuff. You can focus on discipline strategies ‘til you are blue in the face and things may change…for a moment. But the realllll shifts in our lives AND in our children (and their behavior) come from this: mom and dad learning to be kind and compassionate with our own selves.

We all want our children to grow to become confident, happy, and compassionate adults. A sure way to support this is for us to be kind and gentle with ourselves – to be with whatever rises up within us, responding with compassionate attention.

THIS is the foundation of every single effective parenting or disciplining strategy.

So enooooooough focus on guilting mama into loving every moment of the day. Enooooough telling us that “oh you’d better savor it because…” WE GET IT. Instead, let’s focus on the harder stuff to explain and put into words. Let’s focus on the murkier work. Let’s focus our attention on our own hearts and bodies. Ask yourself: what do you love? What is drawing your attention – from the depths of you?

Let yourself be silently drawn
by the strange pull of what you really love.
It will not lead you astray.
~ Rumi ~

Be the goddess you are. Be the goddess you are called to be. Maybe that means speaking your truth in a way that has been silenced for too long. Maybe that means wearing soft, flowy sensual clothing in fabrics that allow you to move and breathe. Maybe that’s creating, making art, painting, writing. Whatever it is, do it.

(By the way…the blogs/websites on my Blog Roll are about resourcing mamas!)

A poem to me on my 39th birthday

(A poem for me, to me, on my 39th birthday, shared as prayer with you)…

Embodied

The other night, I watched a video of me that Brian recently filmed.
It was me leading a meditation.
Half way through, I stopped and paused it.

I sat there, staring

at the still frame shot of me. The incessant self-doubt
that strangled my joy for years was simply

not true. I could no longer deny what I now saw before me.
Here was the evidence.

“I see it,” I whispered in the silence of my heart,
“I see what my mother has seen all these years.

I am exquisite.

I embody the life I have led,
the years and hours of meditation and kindness and metta,
meltdowns and cries, softening and letting go
practiced on my cushion,
on the earth dancing and sweating my chants to the Divine,

in our kitchen cutting grapes for toddlers,
tired, alone, longing, yearning, returning
always

right here
to my life as practice, in the car

handing back snacks to hungry little ones wondering if I’ll rest today,
in our bed nursing a newborn in the early hours before dawn,
making love to Brian when we should be sleeping but

returning Home to our bodies reciting poetry to the Divine,

rising early with my prayer shawl wrapped around my growing belly,
sitting in silence until a baby cries and my feet take me to them,
somehow in the dark, and my arms become their shawl…

again and again,
through the doubt and the worry
the shame and the regret
the wondering and the wounds
the mistakes and the miraculous
the cooing and the sighing
the obsessing and

the letting go,

returning

again and again
to the Divine
within.

I already embody what I longed for,
what I thought was missing,
what I believed I was ‘not yet:’

I am sensual and beautiful.”

The words escaped my heart before they could be squelched
by analysis or habitual practices of learning to not be powerful…
and know it. Spoken into existence, they flew

out into the world and danced,

and then back into me
as prayer, as breath,
to be breathed

and then exhaled
as blessing.

Lisa A. McCrohan, © 2013

Mindful Moment: Stay and Soften

One evening in December, our bedtime ritual started out like to does every night:  brushing teeth, pjs, a book, a few songs, a prayer (sometimes we sing it!), and me laying with our two year old daughter while Brian lays with our five year old son.

Our son, he is out in like two minutes.  Kindergarten does that to a boy!  Our daughter, she loves to chat, sing, lay there, ask for more milk, cuddle.  Most nights, I savor it.  I linger with Little C.  I whisper my prayers.  I lay there in the quiet, holding her, listening to her breathe…and then ask another question.  When Little C was a few months old, I wrote this poem:

My Skin Remembers

In the dark stillness of the early morning,

before the first glimmers of dawn appear through our bedroom window,

Brian brings Clara to me for an early morning feeding.

She is half awake half asleep now nuzzled next to me.

Her little feet rest on my bare belly as she wraps one arm over my chest

and tucks the other under my breast to nurse.

I am laying on my side, my left arm stretched out on the bed

and heat from the top of Clara’s head warms the inside of my elbow.

My right arm wraps around her tiny, plump, six month old body.

Our bellies touching rise and fall together in a soft rhythm.

Though my body begs for more sleep, I don’t mind being up so early

before the sunlight slowly dances into our room.

I know now with my second child that this will not last forever.

There will come a day when I will long to hold my babies again

just      like     this

and my skin will ache with nostalgia.

But this morning, I also know that when that day comes,

a smile will rise up from within me

as my skin remembers breathing in

this

very

moment.

Butttttt….there are times when I am think “O.M.G., you gotta go to sleep!”  I am tired, needing space, needing to be on my own for a bit.  And that’s when my meditation practice comes into play.

“It’s ok to feel this way, Lisa.”

“It’s ok to want time alone, to need space.”

In those moments, I try to remind myself to practice self-compassion instead of beating myself up with mama guilt “Oh I shouldn’t feel this way!  I should be oh-so-very present AND loving every minute of it.  Why don’t I feel that way? What’s wrong with ME?  So-and-so…you’d never hear that from her!  She loves everything about being a mom….”  It goes on, doesn’t it?  Well, instead of going down THAT path, ….

I pause.  I stay with what is rising up.  I don’t push it away.  I just stay.  I hold my heart and my needs and my yearnings close, with breath and spaciousness.  I soften.  And the once intense emotions and thoughts shift.

What rises up is a sense of “ahhhh, ok.  I’m ok.  This is ok.”  And then I’m able to make a clearer, more compassionate choice.

So back to this one night in December…

I thought my Little C. was asleep.  I slowly rolled out of her bed and started to get up to leave.

“Mommy, where you going?”

OHHHH I could’ve lost it.  I was tired.  It was late.  I felt my feet on the earth (on our “beautiful” carpet stained with milk and god knows what else!), I softened, breathed…

And then Little C. continued, “Mama, you stay with me?”

STAY WITH ME.  These words cut riiiight through to what is most important.  Right through any frustration, tiredness, need for alone time.

I turned back into the room, got into bed again with Little C., and said, “Yes, my Love, I’ll stay with you.” 

We laid like that for a long while.  Just in silence.  Me — softening, letting it all go, noticing, allowing.

And then Little C. whispers – half asleep, half awake, “Mommy?”

Me: “Yes, Love?”

Little C.: “I love you.”

Then she fell sound asleep.

As I pulled the covers up over her little chest, as I walked out of the quiet room, I thought about how that could’ve gone comPLETELY different.  There are times it has — when I’m like, “BABY!  You gotta go to sleep!”  Times when I lay there but I’m not really present.  Times when I am tired and under resourced.  And I react.  Instead of respond.  And as I walked out of the room, I found myself oh so grateful for the intention I set years ago to be a mindful mama, for how that has informed my practice of SOFTENING, tending to, allowing, being with, being gentle IN OUR EVERYDAY LIFE.  I found myself bowing to the community of moms and  dads who are on this journey of healing our world through being RIGHT HERE, present to and regarding our little ones.

STAY.  STAY AND SOFTEN.  With our own hearts, with our little ones.  I am finding that the more I offer myself such sweet spaciousness, the more I am able to extend that to my dear ones.  And I smile softly, with no regrets.

Give them PRESENCE

‘Tis the season…for overwhelm.  Every Xmas, I tend to get overwhelmed.  My love language is NOT gift giving – especially in “have to” gift-giving times.  I am not one of those moms who knows the “right” toys for certain ages.  I don’t know the “cool gifts”, heck I don’t even know what styles are “in” right now for me!  With our children now in full “magic of Christmas” swing, I can so see how moms/parents could get consumed by the whole present thing and lose sight of what is most important.

I found myself the other night with Brian after the kiddos were asleep and the contents of Santa’s bag spread out on our kitchen floor, seeing what we had and making sure everyone had “enough” of the “right” stuff.  I found myself spending waaaaaaaay too much time checking our “lists” and getting more and more anxious – did Clara have enough?  Is it “balanced” in terms of “girly stuff’ and stuff that actually challenges her?  What about Aidan – he’s not that in to superheroes any more and more in to magic – do we give him the superhero stuff we had left over from last year?  And Brian – I can’t find him that sweater he wants, I even had Maria on the search, what do I do if I can’t find him anything?”   In comes “overwhelm.”

It’s all self-induced.  Our families are pretty chilled.  I probably wouldn’t have to have anything for anyone (ok, besides the kiddos) if I didn’t want to.  But I want to have something for them.  Yes, yes, I could make things – and I often do.  But even then, trying to decide WHAT to make folks can leave me feeling pretty overwhelmed.

What I’d really like to give for xmas?  Presence.  What I’d really like to receive for xmas?  Presence.

I mean, come on, do any of us really “need” any THING?  “Presence” is such a hot commodity these days.  Our undivided, un-opinionated, un-rushed presence.  Our mindful attention to another person that communicates, “I see you” and “I’m in no rush.”

Could you imagine – a little note under the tree saying, “Brian, this xmas, I’m giving you my presence.  My compassionate attention when you are tired in the morning.  My un-rushed kiss as we get the kiddos off to school.  My silence when I’d rather say something about how you aren’t doing it ‘my’ way.  My eyes open to really SEE you and see how I might make your day lighter.”

He’d love it.  And that truly would be an act of love – to mindfully and heartfully remind myself to offer my PRESENCE throughout the year.

I think that’s what I’m giving my friends.  Yes, I’m pretty good about being there for my friends.  But I could add a dash of  not rushing and just “I see you.”

I recently was listening to a podcast by Tara Brach.  She told the story of a mom who had terminal cancer and decided that with whatever time she did have, she’d live by this motto: “No time to rush.” 

None of us know when our last breath will be.  None of us have time to rush.  That isn’t meant to scare us.  It’s meant to open our hearts and eyes to the reality that this life is precious and short.  It’s meant to prompt us to give our sweet, loving presence – to our own hearts, our dear ones, and this world.

Happy presence giving!

Returning to the Great Grandmother

My blogging buddy, Gina, over at Professions for Peace wrote a lovely and insightful post about the wisdom of First Nations and this post in particular struck a cord with me…for many reasons.  Here she describes the way of looking at balancing the “masculine” and “feminine” in us, our lives, a nation, a culture as “running energy.”  What energy is running through you? What energy needs to be running through you in this season, this decision, this time in your life…and in our world???  She reminds us, from one of her teachers, that even when Native American nations were set to go to battle, they first went to the Grandmothers.  I love this quote from Gina: “He (her teacher) taught how all decisions used to have to go through the Grandmothers for final approval.”

I believe that we are in a time of reclaiming the feminine.  Our world is aching for us to return to honoring the Great Mother and balancing the energies of our planet with the sacred feminine.

I know, for me, that I go to the Great Mother, Great Grandmother, the Divine Mother.  To write.  To make decisions.  To listen.  To be nourished.

Gina’s post reminded me of a poem I wrote years ago about my process of writing…and living.  I hope that it resonates with you, dear ones, and your own journey of surrendering to the Divine stillness and wisdom within you for ALL the answers, words, poems, works of art, and decisions of your heart.

Surrender

I can try to push these words along with the illusion
that I am the god responsible for the poem
as I struggle, grasp, reach for
the perfect combination of words.
I can force these words to come forth with
angry demands like a frightened tyrant
shaking my firsts, torturing them to
submit to my pen.

This is one way to write.

Or
I can go to the garden of
the Great Grandmother of poetry.
I can hand over my arsenal
of illusions, plots and plans at her gates,
climb up onto her thick legs,
fold myself into her sturdy lap, and
surrender –
my effort
my pen,
letting the music of her still soul
write me.

As I rest and she rubs my back,
my effort dissolves, my hand drops my pen,
and her stillness swims through my bones.
She knows why I have come –
she beckoned me before time
to be right here, right in her lap
asking, burning to write.

Her eyes are closed as she slowly rocks back and forth.
The illusion of time fades and we simply
breath…and listen.

Slowly, quietly –
from the deep still waters of wordless prayer,
words begin to rise to the surface,
glistening like gems in the moonlight
dancing on the water
humming the sweet lines of poetry to be written.

Lisa A. McCrohan, © 2007

Enchant me

Lately, this is my prayer, my mantra, my song to the Divine.  On my early (painfully early!) and quiet morning commute to work.  Late at night when I have five minutes of “me time” after the kiddos are asleep and before I move eagerly to my bed.  Enchant me, God.  Enchant me.  Delight me.

Sung, chanted, swayed to.

Enchant me.

I see me barefoot under the moonlight, softly swirling with the evening summer breeze.  I see me in a long flowy skirt with my long hair against my shoulders moving through my day, with my children, with my husband, in our kitchen “decorated” with tiny handprints on the wall from superhero crusades, ants in our sugarbowl (again), laundry to be folded, floors to be swept……. with ease and sweetness and delight.  Enchanted.  Fully aware that all of this –  ALL.  OF. THIS. — is gift.

Enchant me.  Right here.  Right in the middle of my messy, busy, glorious life.

There’s enough light for all of us to shine

My kiddos are at such a great age: two and five.  They believe whole-heartedly in themselves.  They believe they ARE superheroes.  They can leap any couch or fence or building in New York City.  They believe they are stronger than a tiger or bear or villain.  They can wrestle grandpa to the ground in two super moves.  They believe they can be anything they want to be, including Batman, Wonder Woman, “Super Hurricane”, doctor, police officer, princess, knight, paleontologist, or guitarist.  They believe in themselves — their powers, brawn, and smarts — and the superhero powers of the people who love them.

We all were once like this.

Then “(&*^*$&^#&^$)” happens.

Joey runs a whole heck of a lot faster than we do.  Sally gets every word right on her spelling test – every time.  Zach’s science experiment wins first place – again.  And we start comparing ourselves to others, which is usually accompanied with saying some crappy things to ourselves and internalizing what others say about us.  And slowly over time, we stop believing in ourselves.

So maybe you are a slow runner.  Maybe you still don’t spell well (spell check rocks!).  Maybe you just don’t get physics or biology or even simple science.

So what?!

So what if there is a “better” or “more talented” artist, singer, song-writer, author, athlete, mom, dad, runner,….blah blah blah…you name it?!  Who defines “better” or “more talented?”

I remember being at a writing workshop with a well-known author.  Someone asked, “But there are a bagillion books out there on (whatever the subject was)!”  And she responded, “But not in your voice.  There is no book about …… with YOUR voice, from YOUR point of view.”

She’s right.

Somewhere along the line we stop believing we are gorgeous, talented, loveable, and strong.  Well enough.

For those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile now, you’ll know that I’m all about saying “enough!” to anything that holds us back from believing in our goodness, from aligning ourselves with each other, from doing what delights our hearts.

I’m not living in some fairytale.  I’m in the thick of “reality”…right here with two little ones, a mortgage, a job, struggles and challenges, joys and periods/moments of calm.

And I BELIEVE that we create our realities.

We CAN live a life filled mostly of delight.

I BELIEVE we all our gorgeous and good and beautiful.

And I believe that it is our birthright to own our gorgeous, good, and beautiful selves.

So my forties are going to be about reclaiming the rockstar queen in me.  How that rockstar queen looks may be QUITE different than YOUR rockstar queen.  And that rocks!  There’s enough light for us all to shine – however bright we want to shine!

Making miracles of everyday life

Here is the first video by the Barefoot Barn!  It’s about finding a sacred pause in your everyday life…and making miracles out of the ordinary.  Enjoy!  Hope it inspires you!

Thank you to these awesome women who contributed to this first video.  They are all moms, professionals, and incredible women who bring beauty and kindness into this world.

Megan Jones
Meredith Mullins
Samantha Schroeder
Molly Spence
Tracy Sullivan

For everyday wisdom,
visit Meg @
www.istopforsuffering.wordpress.com

For family photography,
visit Tracy @
www.dragonflydreamphotography.com