Gem of Wisdom: Remember you are the ocean

Love has the final say.  I do believe that in the end, we come from love and we return to love.  Love and wholeness are our birthright.  But when we are suffering, it can seem like our suffering will never end.  Love, life, hope…all seem to be too flowery, wimpy, or way far off and unavailable.

Think of suffering as a wave.  Regard your anxious thoughts, your bouts of anger, your grief late at night…all as waves.  Sometimes your grief can seem like a wave that goes on forever.  Sometimes your anger seems like a wave that tosses you around.  Sometimes your anxiety feels like a wave that washes over you several times a day.  But…it is a wave.  And it belongs to the ocean.  It rises from (and in) the ocean, and it returns to the ocean.

There is something within you that is bigger than the wave, that holds the wave.  There is something within you that is the ocean.  Call it Self or God…whatever language resonates with you.  But YOU are the ocean. The Love and Light that is within you – that is the ocean.  The “voice within”, the Spirit within, the Sacred Space within you – this is the ocean.  The waves are a part of you, but you are much more than the waves.  You are the ocean.

You call forth the waves.  You call them back to you.  They belong to you.  They may rise and cause some commotion on the surface.  But your deep waters know a deeper truth than the illusion you are temporarily believing in the middle of experiencing a wave.

Go to these deep waters when you are suffering.  Trust the gem of wisdom these deep waters speak to you.  Find a steadiness here that is a refreshing relief from the surface waters that change with every shift in your emotional weather system.

And ultimately, you will experience and know in your bones, you are the ocean.  You are love.  And it IS Love that will have the final say, no matter how strong or long the wave of suffering.

The next time you experience an unpleasant wave and you are suffering, say to yourself:  “I remember now that I am the ocean.”  And watch the wave rise, fall, and return back to you as the ocean. 

It sounds simple.  And it is.  But it’s not easy.  When we are suffering, everything in us wants to tighten up, get control, get a grip.  It takes conscious, mindfulness effort to remember to soften and say to ourselves, “I am not only this wave.  I am the ocean.”  And it takes discipline to say it again and again and again in the throws of the habitual waves we are used to experiencing.  So take heart.  Be gentle with yourself.  And if I can support you with  mindfulness coaching or anything else, please…contact me.

Blessings,

Lisa

** Need support in riding the waves?  I can support you with mindful coaching.  Over the phone, over skype, or in person, I work with folks who want to live with more delight, compassion, and connection in their everyday lives…waves and all!  I am also a body-centered psychotherapist and yoga teacher offering individual sessions and group workshops and retreats.  Visit the Barefoot Barn for more information on our services or contact me with questions, to schedule a time to talk, or learn more.

Our family’s ban on being busy and in a hurry

When is the last time you talked to someone and they didn’t say they WEREN’T busy?!
A conversation usually goes like this:

“How are you guys?”
“Oh you know, we’ve got such n such going on and then there’s such n such coming up. We’re runnin’ from one thing to the next.”
“Oh I know. We are so busy too.”

It’s so common place that we come to expect people to say they are busy. And we think nothing of it when we say how busy we are.

But we should.

When’s the last time you WEREN’T hurrying to get somewhere?  Didn’t have adrenaline rushing through your veins on the way to work or to drop off your kiddos?

All this being busy and hurrying everywhere reeks havoc on our nervous system. It keeps us in stress mode. And that effects EVERY system in us – immune system, digestive…you name it.

And our children???

Our children’s generation is the first to be so darn rushed all the time from a young age on. What do we think is going to be the impact on our children’s developing brains, hearts, bodies, and relationships to be so hurried all the time, to be so in stress mode all the time???

Well the other night, I had enough. I had enough of treating the clock as a god. I had enough of hurrying my kiddos to eat breakfast and get out the door and into the car to go to school.  I was appalled at how the doctor and nurse (though knowledgable and kind) hurried our daughter through her three-year old check up with rushed hands — and how they probably did this with every other child that day and no other parent thought ANYTHING of it.  Why? Because we are used to it!  We are used to our bodies and presence not being regarded as sacred.

Well, enough, I said.

Sitting at the breakfast table…late…I looked around and I thought, “this is crazy. Our culture has lost all regard for honoring the sacredness of the body, for reverencing and honoring its flow. I refuse to teach my children to not honor their bodies. Let them sleep. Let them eat. Peacefully. And Brian and I are doing nothing for our relationship with our kiddos to be on them and hurrying them. Enough. I call for a family ban on being busy and in a hurry.”

Maybe it’s this mid-life shift thing I’m going through (it’s not a crisis and it’s not an awakening. I’m awake. Now I’m just takin’ action n shiftin’ stuff. Big time.).  I’m taking more responsibility for MY life and how I want to live it. No one else is going to be at my deathbed with me and the divine.

It’s going to be me and the Big G reflecting back on my life and asking, “Did I love fully?  Did I live fully?”

It won’t be: “Did I get the kiddos to soccer practice on time?”

Instead I’ll recall images of me and Brian being present with our children.  I’ll recall regarding them and seeing, really SEEING, their needs…and responding to them.  I’ll recall holding Little C. for awhile longer even though we are late for a playdate.  I’ll recall letting Big A. sleep in, leisurely being with him (with my eyes, my attention, my tone of voice), and then going to school.  I’ll recall the times I remembered what is most important.

mutual regard

So it’ll take some time (ha!) to get the busy and the hurry out of our nervous systems. But I am committing myself to “the ban on busy”. I’m committing myself to not being in a hurry.  To slowing it all down.  And really, there is no time to be in a rush.  Life is precious.  Short and precious.

Five ways to follow what delights your heart

I don’t remember the first time I paused and softly smiled upon hearing the word, “delight.”  Maybe it was when my mom said, “How about you write what’s on your heart and call it ‘Gems of Delight’?”  As moms usually do, she knew what was on my heart before I could consciously name it.

Delight.

“Our true nature is filled with delight,” I wrote on the Barefoot Barn’s website nine years ago and it is still there today.  Look at any little kiddo.  Everything delights them – everyday things like the “magic” of peek-a-boo, their own toes, your silly faces, the dog’s huge tongue, going big poops in the potty…you name it.  Delight can be lowkey, content, an inner soft smile.  It doesn’t have to be verbose or grand.  Just a deep sense of lightness and contentment.

Delight FEELS good.  When we take delight in something, we feel connected and content.  Why?  All those great “feel good” hormones running through us…especially oxytocin, the “connecting” hormone.  Delight is good for us!

When we realllly tune inward and ask ourselves, “what delights my heart?” and we begin to get glimmers of what that is, as we follow those gems, we align ourselves with our true nature.  We actively and intentionally manifest those delights in our everyday life.

Read that again!  Aligning yourself with what delights your heart enables  you to intentionally and actively manifest these delights in your EVERYday life.  Not just on some Caribbean vacation.  Not just on the weekends, or date night, or summer break.  But every day.

credit: thislifewellness.com

And what happens?  The angst within us dissipates.  A deep sense of contentment springs from us while at the same time, we feel a sense of aliveness.  We live more connected to our Self and our dear ones.  We stop listening to the voices of our past, our pop culture, and we begin to learn that the “voice within” — the small still voice that turns us to what we truly delight – is the still voice of the Divine.

And we begin to transform our EVERYDAY lives – with this moment, this breath, this one decision.

And…get this…we inspire others to follow what delights THEIR hearts!

A true happiness takes up residence in our souls and begs us to share it with the world. Our very presence has the power to inspire others and our delight naturally spills out into our world. We transform suffering and manifest change by our very presence and simple acts of compassion.

THIS IS HOW WE TRANSFORM OUR WORLD.

So, here are five ways to follow what delights your heart:

1.  Pause.  Cultivate pausing in your day.  Here’s a post on the Sacred Pause.  Pausing enables us to regroup, get grounded, and focus on what’s most important instead of getting swallowed up in the abyss of Pinterest, Facebook, and the myopic focus that comes from being in stress mode.  Pausing throughout your day gets you in the habit of allowing your nervous system to ‘rest and digest.’

2. Go barefoot.  Go outside, feel your feet on the earth…in the green grass, in the mud.  Breathe in delight.  Breathe out gratitude.  Look around you. Notice all the beautiful simple delights right here for you to see!

3.  Share it.  Had a moment today where you just beamed with delight?  Did one of your kiddos do something that made you deeply smile?  Share it.  Tell your coworkers.  Post it on Facebook.  Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh often talks about sharing your delights, the goodness in your life, walking on the earth imprinting your delights not your woes on the earth.  Sharing further strengthens that neuropathway of “noticing the delight” in your life.  It also inspires others to do the same.

4.  List it.  Get out a piece of paper (and some art stuff if you have the energy!).  Without activating the “rational” brain, just write your responses to this question:  “what delights my heart?”

5.  Follow it.  If drawing delights your heart, draw.  If baking delights your heart, bake.  If giggling and connecting with your little ones delights your heart, get off the computer and go find your kiddos.  Whatever delights your heart, begin it.  In little ways.  Small ways.  Don’t make big lofty goals.  The brain loves to make pathways — when you “accomplish” something, you feel good about it.  The brain wants to repeat that.  So even after you are done reading this – commit to following what delights your heart in your next breath.  Even if it’s visualizing that canvas you’ve always wanted to paint or you pause and look at your kiddo and say, “You rock” because it delights you to connect with your children…do it.  You’ll feel good.  Your brain will want to repeat it.

Blessings of delight,

Lisa A. McCrohan

Visit us at the Barefoot Barn for body-centered psychotherapy, mindfulness coaching, yoga, workshops, and works of art to inspire more delight, compassion, and connection in our everyday lives.  ** Are you a parent?   I do mindful coaching over the phone.

daring to drop it all to find the miraculous right here

“Dare to drop the perfect and find the miraculous in your everyday life. We are about living courageously right here in the middle of crazy mornings, mounds of laundry-folding, tantrums (ours and our children’s), deadlines, heartaches, and the quietly content moments. How? Cultivating delight, compassion, and connection in our everyday lives.” ~ from the Barefoot Barn

I wrote those words awhile back. Today they really resonate with me. Daring to drop the perfect as I have been home for several weeks now recouping from a brain injury. On the couch. In bed. I’ve HAD to drop the need to make things perfect — our home, how I parent, what kind of friend I am, how I am as a leader and therapist. This is HARD!

Yet…it’s in the daring to be IMPERFECT and having the courage to be RIGHT HERE in the PRESENT moment that we exhale and see that our lives are miraculous. Imperfect and miraculous. A precious gift.

And it IS quite daring these days to be imperfect — to not be the perfect parent who responds mindfully every single time her child acts up, to not be everything to everyone, to be vulnerable and in need, to not have it all together at a meeting (or on the playground, for god-sake!).

It IS an act of courage to BE RIGHT HERE instead of scattered in a million different directions never really present to our dear ones, let alone our own hearts and bodies. Social media is great. Iphones rock. But…we can get soooo easily addicted to them (myself included) and get lost in cyberworld instead of RIGHT HERE looking at the snow softly falling, the warm blanket wrapped around you, your child’s eyes filled with excitement telling you a story, nourishing food at your table, a warm house.

But I find that the times when I do just allow myself to be imperfect, I create spaciousness. I literally breathe more easily. I find that when I pause and connect to whoever happens to be in our kitchen, my whole nervous system settles. I find that when I notice the goodness all around me, I rest and I smile deeply.

That’s where I’m at right now…in the middle of breathing that wisdom in, letting it take up residence in my heart and body. Open to the wisdom of being imperfect and cultivating compassion for me and my dear ones…and seeing the miraculous in that.

Where’s the miraculous in your life right now?

Love to you all, Lisa

This is what love feels like

This is What Love Feels Like

Laying down
for a nap
with my daughter

curled up with
my belly
to her back
my arms
around her
little almost
three year old
body

little feet
resting on
my thighs

rhythmic
breathing
deeply
together

we sleep

sacred
holy
complete

this
is
what
love
feels
like.

Lisa A. McCrohan, 2013

simple gems

As we go into the third week of me at home recouping from a concussion, I have had the blessing of really appreciating the simple things in our life:

the kindness of friends and family who want to help us and provide for us

the generosity of others

the way my daughter’s smile radiates delight

how my son’s eyes light up when he sees me after school

purple crocuses beginning to sprout

the healing mediation of painting

the softness of my bed and pillow

warm bath water

Blondie (my parent’s cocker spaniel) sweetly coming over to me for a pet

nourishing meals made with love by others

soft, warm pajamas

how the sky changes slowly, steadily

These are the gems in my days right now.  They glimmer.  They shine.  They quietly nourish and heal me.  My life is about noticing the gems of my everyday life.  They are here.  Sometimes going unnoticed.  Yet….here.  Slowing down, laying on the couch, not able to really do much, I have seen these “everyday gems” with new and appreciative eyes.  My life sure does shine.

What gems are in your everyday life???  What is right in front of you, right beside you, right within you that is shining, glimmering, waiting for you to linger and notice?

Receiving mode

It takes courage to admit we can’t. It takes courage to do what we know we need to do to heal while the world around us tries to suck us back into the busyness.

Well, friends, last week I stepped on to a moving treadmill that I thought wasn’t moving. A flip, smack, and thud later, I landed. Hard.

Result? Concussion. Doctor said I need to rest. Not think. Not on the computer.

“Forced retreat” as one friend called it. I realize I’m addicted to my iPhone. Talk about withdrawal!

So here I am practicing “retreat” in my everyday life with two kiddos, mounds of laundry, clients to serve, birthday parties, and smelly bathrooms.

Resting. Receiving. Recognizing I can’t and shouldn’t do it. None of it. Friends and neighbors and family have stepped in. I literally sat the whole time at my son’s Harry Potter birthday party- our community of fam n friends did everything while Brian led 23 kiddos through Hogwarts and potion class and quidditch practice. Feeling totally raw and vulnerable, but surrendering to receiving.

That’s hard for a giver. Many of us spend our days in service mode, all about caring for others. But this is what I preach and this is what I’m getting a chance to practice: caring for self IS caring for others.

So this mama is offline for a few weeks. Receiving. Resting. Renewing.

Sweet love to all of you.
Love,
Lisa

Mindful art

5 x 7 card

Check out this beautiful card I recently made!

Mindful art.  I realize that’s what I’ve always been about in my writing and my art — creating works of art that inspire compassion, mindfulness, soulfulness, and connection in our everyday lives.

This desire to create is in all of us.  To cultivate beauty — through art, through our words, through our presence.  We get frustrated, ansy, annoyed when we don’t create…when we don’t allow the art within us to be, to come into being, to rise up from within us…and shared.

So shine!  Share!  Express!  Create!  I so delight in seeing all of your works of art — your photography, your poems, your drawings and crafts and creations!

“The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.”
- Mary Oliver

Everyday Courage

a gem i created!

Sometimes the most courageous thing we do in a day is say, “yes.”  Yes to the mess and the imperfect.  Yes to looking at our children with regard, and softly saying, “You matter.”  Yes to responding to our partners with eyes of compassion instead of reacting out of our habitual ways of closing off our hearts.  Yes to writing one more page in the book we were born to create.  Yes to treating ourselves with tenderness.  Yes to the power of gentleness.

I believe that bravery isn’t about being fearless.   It’s about daring to be our vulnerable, real, not-all-together selves and finding the miraculous right here within us and our everyday lives.

That’s courage. 

To be vulnerable — with our own selves, with each other…to dare to say “I love you” and not hold back, to dare to move closer instead of reacting in our habitual ways by pulling back, to speak up for something we believe in even when our voice is shaky or tears come streaming down.

To be real — not someone else, not what anyone else wants or what society wants us to be…but what we KNOW in our bones is our truth.  To speak it.  To live it.  To be it.

To be our “not-all-together-selves” — imperfect.  To “mess up” and give ourselves a dose of compassion and begin again.

To find the miraculous in the mess right here –  YES.  If we are going to be “happy” then it’s RIGHT HERE.  It has to be found right here.  Not on some Caribbean island or at the bottom of a cookie jar — that’s the mind looking for happiness in the wrong place — outside of ourselves.  Nope.  HAPPINESS is a CHOICE.  And it takes courage to orient our hearts and minds to NOTICING the miraculous RIGHT HERE in our everyday lives — the way your daughter’s eyelashes curl, the mere size and shape of your son’s growing hand (almost bigger than yours!), how the snow sparkles at night, the morning light dancing in through your windows, the softness of a blanket wrapped around you, the delight of running into a friend as you are out and about… THESE are the precious and miraculous of our day.  THIS is what saves us.  THIS is how we choose happiness.

To find the miraculous within us — YES.  WITHIN US.  So so often I hear the harsh things people tell themselves — the daily voices in one’s head incessantly saying, “You aren’t enough,” “Who are you to believe you are worth loving?”, “Why even try?  You’ll mess up”…etc etc.  Enough.  Practice softening.  Practicing being breathed.  Practice gentleness.

It takes COURAGE to live this way.  Why?  Because we live in a culture where this isn’t the “norm.”  We are wired to have a bias toward the negative.  BUT we are also wired for compassion, for empathy, for making wise decisions and enlightenment.  And what do I mean by “enlightenment”?  Union with (however you define) the Divine.

Yes, dear ones, it takes courage to find the Divine, right here in our everyday lives.  But…it is here.  All around us.  I see it in you — your writing, your voice, the way your hair curls, the laugh lines on your face, the boldness of your brown eyes, your aging hands, the stories you tell, the way you come up with these hilarious one liners, the courage you have to get up every morning…and love.

So keep saying YES!  Yes to the mess, to loving, to softening, to the imperfect, to the unexpected, to the joy, to the sadness, to the miraculous…right here.

Love,

Lisa

 

**  Check out this piece from a TED video on GRATITUDE… “if you do nothing else than notice the great gift this great day is…if you learn to respond as if it is the first day of your life and the last day of your life, you will have spent it well.”

 

A poem to me on my 39th birthday

(A poem for me, to me, on my 39th birthday, shared as prayer with you)…

Embodied

The other night, I watched a video of me that Brian recently filmed.
It was me leading a meditation.
Half way through, I stopped and paused it.

I sat there, staring

at the still frame shot of me. The incessant self-doubt
that strangled my joy for years was simply

not true. I could no longer deny what I now saw before me.
Here was the evidence.

“I see it,” I whispered in the silence of my heart,
“I see what my mother has seen all these years.

I am exquisite.

I embody the life I have led,
the years and hours of meditation and kindness and metta,
meltdowns and cries, softening and letting go
practiced on my cushion,
on the earth dancing and sweating my chants to the Divine,

in our kitchen cutting grapes for toddlers,
tired, alone, longing, yearning, returning
always

right here
to my life as practice, in the car

handing back snacks to hungry little ones wondering if I’ll rest today,
in our bed nursing a newborn in the early hours before dawn,
making love to Brian when we should be sleeping but

returning Home to our bodies reciting poetry to the Divine,

rising early with my prayer shawl wrapped around my growing belly,
sitting in silence until a baby cries and my feet take me to them,
somehow in the dark, and my arms become their shawl…

again and again,
through the doubt and the worry
the shame and the regret
the wondering and the wounds
the mistakes and the miraculous
the cooing and the sighing
the obsessing and

the letting go,

returning

again and again
to the Divine
within.

I already embody what I longed for,
what I thought was missing,
what I believed I was ‘not yet:’

I am sensual and beautiful.”

The words escaped my heart before they could be squelched
by analysis or habitual practices of learning to not be powerful…
and know it. Spoken into existence, they flew

out into the world and danced,

and then back into me
as prayer, as breath,
to be breathed

and then exhaled
as blessing.

Lisa A. McCrohan, © 2013