Gem of peace: doing nothing out of anger

Gem of PEACE for today: A few weeks ago, the contractors restoring our house messed up and didn’t put insulation back into one of our walls.  Here’s how it went down and what I learned…about myself and anger.

I had a feeling they didn’t put insulation into one of the walls they were restoring.  I asked them.  “Of course we did,” they assured me.

But it still bugged me.  Brian and I sat with it over night.  We decided to ask them in the morning to open the drywall again.  If there was insulation, we’d pay for the extra repairs.

In the morning, Brian asked them to cut open the drywall to see.  There wasn’t any.

Brian was there when all this went down as I was at the doctor’s office (remember, I still have a brain injury!).  When he told me, I was livid.  I felt cheated.  I felt taken advantage of.  I was angry that we had been so kind to the workers (feeding them, making sure they were comfortable) and this is how they treated us.

I told Brian I was going to march into the house and talk to the manager. I walked inside and found the head guy.  I said to him, “How could you?!  How could you do this?!  We were kind to you!  We made sure you were taken care of.  We trusted you!”

I wasn’t yelling – and I felt “proud” of myself for this (I’m not proud of this now!).  Until…

The manager apologizes profusely.  He then explained what happened.  It was a mistake.  Nothing intentional.  All the guys on the crew apologized.  One guy cut the drywall and left it there. Another guy went upstairs, saw the drywall in place and just started sealing it up without checking to make sure it was ready to go.  Yes, they are responsible for slowing down and doing a good job.  BUT…

THIS is what sits with me:  I intentionally went in there to talk to the manager knowing I was angry, thinking I was justified and that my story was correct (“they are taking advantage of us!” etc).   I didn’t seek to understand first.  And really…my story was wrong. 

The bottom line is this:

my anger was coming from stress (try having a brain injury and then three floors worth of your home destroyed and tons of pounding and sawing) and from fear (feeling vulnerable — I know nothing about home repairs).  It was also coming from old habitual ways of thinking…past experiences making their way into my analysis of the current situation.

Anger does this — we get a story going in our head.  Our thinking becomes really myopic (“they did this to pull one over on us!”).   We feel vulnerable, taken advantage of, like a victim, and powerless.  We get justified in our anger.  And we act out.

I am learned that even though I was correct in that they did not put in insulation, it didn’t serve me (I felt awful later) or the situation to act out of anger.  I am learning and learning that when we are angry, it is better to do NOTHING.  Don’t talk.  Don’t reply to an email.  Don’t text. Goodness don’t post it on Facebook.  Don’t do ANYTHING out of anger.

Instead…breathe.  Long exhales.

Tend to the vulnerable feeling.

Tend to the feeling of powerlessness.

Treat yourself with the utmost kindness and tender regard.

Soften. 

Wait.

A reaction out of anger is always from fear.  And it holds an empty, short-lived, ultimately deflating sense of power (often then filled with guilt and shame).  It hurts others.  It hurts ourselves.  It disconnects us from others and our own hearts.  It feels sticky, ugly, yucky.  It’s laden with regret.

A response out of groundedness, tenderness, and self-compassion comes from love.  And it holds a sort of power that is spacious, full, uplifting, and EMPOWERING.  A true power.  It connects us to the deep power of our hearts…and this universe.  No matter what the outcome of the situation, there is a sense of peace within us because we are taking action that is aligned with love — ultimately, our true nature…our home.

I may not do this every time.  But I am going to make a commitment to try and do NOTHING out of anger.  Instead, to pause and wait… wait with kindness for my own self and breathe.  If this is humanly possible, I hope you will join me!  Do NOTHING when you are angry!  Wait.

Share with me how it goes for you!

Love,

Lisa

* Thank you for reading these Gems of Delight and being a part of the Barefoot Barn community.  Thank you for being a part of this evolution of bringing more compassion into the world by sharing these Gems with your dear ones so they can live with more delight, compassion, and connection in their everyday lives.  I hope these Gems serve you.  Visit the Barefoot Barn website for other ways that I may serve you with mindful coaching (especially for parents!), psychotherapy, workshops and retreats.  Thank you for sharing your comments — it is always a delight to hear what gems are emerging within your own heart.

Our family’s ban on being busy and in a hurry

When is the last time you talked to someone and they didn’t say they WEREN’T busy?!
A conversation usually goes like this:

“How are you guys?”
“Oh you know, we’ve got such n such going on and then there’s such n such coming up. We’re runnin’ from one thing to the next.”
“Oh I know. We are so busy too.”

It’s so common place that we come to expect people to say they are busy. And we think nothing of it when we say how busy we are.

But we should.

When’s the last time you WEREN’T hurrying to get somewhere?  Didn’t have adrenaline rushing through your veins on the way to work or to drop off your kiddos?

All this being busy and hurrying everywhere reeks havoc on our nervous system. It keeps us in stress mode. And that effects EVERY system in us – immune system, digestive…you name it.

And our children???

Our children’s generation is the first to be so darn rushed all the time from a young age on. What do we think is going to be the impact on our children’s developing brains, hearts, bodies, and relationships to be so hurried all the time, to be so in stress mode all the time???

Well the other night, I had enough. I had enough of treating the clock as a god. I had enough of hurrying my kiddos to eat breakfast and get out the door and into the car to go to school.  I was appalled at how the doctor and nurse (though knowledgable and kind) hurried our daughter through her three-year old check up with rushed hands — and how they probably did this with every other child that day and no other parent thought ANYTHING of it.  Why? Because we are used to it!  We are used to our bodies and presence not being regarded as sacred.

Well, enough, I said.

Sitting at the breakfast table…late…I looked around and I thought, “this is crazy. Our culture has lost all regard for honoring the sacredness of the body, for reverencing and honoring its flow. I refuse to teach my children to not honor their bodies. Let them sleep. Let them eat. Peacefully. And Brian and I are doing nothing for our relationship with our kiddos to be on them and hurrying them. Enough. I call for a family ban on being busy and in a hurry.”

Maybe it’s this mid-life shift thing I’m going through (it’s not a crisis and it’s not an awakening. I’m awake. Now I’m just takin’ action n shiftin’ stuff. Big time.).  I’m taking more responsibility for MY life and how I want to live it. No one else is going to be at my deathbed with me and the divine.

It’s going to be me and the Big G reflecting back on my life and asking, “Did I love fully?  Did I live fully?”

It won’t be: “Did I get the kiddos to soccer practice on time?”

Instead I’ll recall images of me and Brian being present with our children.  I’ll recall regarding them and seeing, really SEEING, their needs…and responding to them.  I’ll recall holding Little C. for awhile longer even though we are late for a playdate.  I’ll recall letting Big A. sleep in, leisurely being with him (with my eyes, my attention, my tone of voice), and then going to school.  I’ll recall the times I remembered what is most important.

mutual regard

So it’ll take some time (ha!) to get the busy and the hurry out of our nervous systems. But I am committing myself to “the ban on busy”. I’m committing myself to not being in a hurry.  To slowing it all down.  And really, there is no time to be in a rush.  Life is precious.  Short and precious.

Three ways to practice self-compassion

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”

- Carl Gustav

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere.  You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”

- Buddha

You all know that I am BIG on the fact that foundation of mindful parenting (and living) isn’t focusing on our children’s behavior or even discipline strategies. It’s self-care for mama (and dad).  It’s caring for that beautiful, courageous, tender, loving self of yours.   Self-compassion is the foundation for deeply loving and tending to our dear ones.

But it’s “hard”, right?  We live in a culture that doesn’t support us nourishing ourselves.  I’m talking deep nourishment.  Not the kind that lasts for a split second and then vanishes.  We think we don’t have time.  Our days are busy.  Some of us think it’s too “self indulgent” and we “should” put others first.

But I am finding over the years of being a parent (with mid-night wakings, little sick ones, volunteering at school, balancing work and family life, and running off to soccer practice) that the more I flourish, the more I am able to wisely support the flourishing of my children.  I can more mindfully sense and see their needs without reacting emotionally.  I am better resourced to respond instead of react.

I am also finding that while “girls’ night” is great and I need the community of other women, I need DAILY ways of tending to and nurturing myself so that abundance flows IN me and THROUGH me to the dear ones in my life.  I am also finding that we can weave compassion practices into our daily life.  Each time we pause to nourish ourselves in simple, little ways throughout our day, the effect on our nervous system is cumulative.  We build up a neuropathway that creates a habit out of loving ourselves when we do this little, simple, quick everyday acts of self-compassion.

But it does require INTENTIONAL, deliberate practice.  But just liiiiiiiitttle everyday ways…everyday. One choice.  Then another.

Here are three simple, everyday ways that you can practice self-compassion:

1. Notice the good.  I wrote a post on noticing the good in our dear ones, especially our children and partners.  We can so get into the habit of noticing what’s wrong, especially with ourselves.  What about those things we whisper half-consciously to ourselves in the mirror in the morning or when we’ve “messed up” at home or work?  This negative self-talk has an impact on our mood, nervous system, and actions.

As you go throughout your day, try noticing what’s good about you.  Notice what is beautiful. Notice what is kind.

And pause there for a moment.  Notice how it feels to notice the good in you.

How does your body react?  Do you feel your shoulders relax, your heart lift up, your stomach relax?  Do you smile?  How about your breath – what happens to your breath when you notice the good within you and savor it?

And then as you go about your day, how do you treat others because you have noticed the good in your own self?

2.  Tend and befriend yourself.  As you go about your day and you notice the inner critic roaring her head, pause and see yourself as one of your dearest friends would.  What would she say to you?  How would she encourage you to see yourself and treat yourself?

Maybe it’s saying, “Hey girl, don’t get bogged down in this feeling!  You’ve got it!  It’s ok!”  Or “Girl, let it go!”  Or “Be gentle with yourself!”  Or “Are you kidding?!  You look fabulous (…you are a loving mom, good friend, smart business woman…)”

Hear her words.  Put your hand on your heart, see your goodness, drop the need to be perfect, and tend to yourself like your friend would tell you to.

3.  Practice taking a N.A.P.!  We all could use some more sleep, but what I’m talking about here is learning to name, accept, and give yourself kind presence.  Here is a great post on how to practice NAP with difficult emotions — you know, those kinds of moments when you feel a whole slew of emotions and you can’t identify what in the heck is going on within you and all you know is you are about to cry or scream?  Yep.  Try NAP.
I hope these serve you in your daily loving, living, and being!

Here are some additional fabulous, cutting-edge resources on self-compassion:

Christopher Germer: Mindful Self-compassion

Center for Mindful Self-compassion

Kristin Neff: Self-compassion

Blessings of compassion,

Lisa A. McCrohan

** Need support in self-compassion?  I do mindfulness coaching over the phone.  Visit us at the Barefoot Barn for body-centered psychotherapy, mindfulness coaching, yoga, workshops, and works of art to inspire more delight, compassion, and connection in our everyday lives.++

Drop the Mama Guilt and Get Resourced

I’m a mindful parent. I also work with parents every day to bring more compassion and mindfulness into their lives, including their parenting. I think it’s fabulous how much attention parenting is getting these days. What drives me nuts are posts on some parenting sites and blogs that guilt mamas (and dads) into loving every minute of being a parent and being absolutely perfectly present in every moment.

Holy tamole. It’s too much! There is soooooooooo much focus on how to parent in loving and kind ways – how to effectively manage tantrums, teenagers talking back, and messy rooms. (Actually there is too much information out there that folks don’t know where to go and what to advise to listen to…and so they feel frozen).

And while that’s great, what I DON’T see much of is this: resourcing mom and dad. Teaching mom and dad how to be gentle and kind to ourselves. How to allow ourselves to be human. How to be present to our own hearts and yearnings and sadness and yes, even rage and mourning. And learning to gently tend to and nourish ourselves.

That’s the “harder” stuff. You can focus on discipline strategies ‘til you are blue in the face and things may change…for a moment. But the realllll shifts in our lives AND in our children (and their behavior) come from this: mom and dad learning to be kind and compassionate with our own selves.

We all want our children to grow to become confident, happy, and compassionate adults. A sure way to support this is for us to be kind and gentle with ourselves – to be with whatever rises up within us, responding with compassionate attention.

THIS is the foundation of every single effective parenting or disciplining strategy.

So enooooooough focus on guilting mama into loving every moment of the day. Enooooough telling us that “oh you’d better savor it because…” WE GET IT. Instead, let’s focus on the harder stuff to explain and put into words. Let’s focus on the murkier work. Let’s focus our attention on our own hearts and bodies. Ask yourself: what do you love? What is drawing your attention – from the depths of you?

Let yourself be silently drawn
by the strange pull of what you really love.
It will not lead you astray.
~ Rumi ~

Be the goddess you are. Be the goddess you are called to be. Maybe that means speaking your truth in a way that has been silenced for too long. Maybe that means wearing soft, flowy sensual clothing in fabrics that allow you to move and breathe. Maybe that’s creating, making art, painting, writing. Whatever it is, do it.

(By the way…the blogs/websites on my Blog Roll are about resourcing mamas!)

the ways others love us

These days, (now weeks) that I am recouping from a concussion…oh how they are humbling me, bringing me to what is most important, softening me, and bringing me back into the lap of God…to rest, renew, and heal.  Over the last three weeks, with the dizziness and nausea, the excruciating headaches and being off balance (literally), I have been in awe of the kindness others have shown us:

~ Neighbors and friends near and far bringing us dinner.
~ A friend making luscious salt and sugar scrubs and massaging my legs and feet and head…for an hour and a half.
~ Prayers.
~ A friend writing to say that she is running for me today.
~ A neighbor saying even people in her prayer group have asked about me.
~ A grocery bag full of good things.
~ “Check-ins” ….”Lisa, let us care for you.”
~ Offerings of running to the grocery store for us.
~ The gentle presence of dear ones in our lives…just here.
~ Even friends of friends who have had concussions calling and giving their advice!

It was all so much for my heart that the other day, when a neighbor brought over dog food for us (we were watching my parents’ dog..it’s healing to have Blondie here…think “little white and golden cockier spaniel”), I started to tear up.

“I’m so humbled by such kindness,” I said.

Neighbor: “This is testament to how you all care so much for others.  It’s your time to receive.”

It stopped me in my tracks.  My heart was overwhelmed, humbled, full.  Brian and I have oriented our lives around “service” and “community.”  We care for others.  We jump in when someone needs something, we are about sharing our resources, and we offer our home and hands when our presence might lighten someone’s suffering.  It’s weaved into who we are and who we are as a family.  It has been conscious and intentional.  But it’s just a way of life.

We do it because this is how the Divine moves through us.  We do it because we intentionally live with our hearts and eyes open.  Not always.  Not in every moment.  But surely as a “posture” in life.

But when my neighbor said this, I reflected for a moment…

It’s not for thanks or accolades.  That kind of  “service” is surface deep — it trails off easily, it’s short term, it’s “when it’s convenient”, it’s when it’s EASY, it points back to the “giver” rather than the one who is suffering.  No, Brian and I are in to tending to others for the long haul…and in simple, everyday ways, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s noticed or not.

But when our neighbor stood there tearing up with me and reflecting our goodness, I saw before me the life we have created, the life we are living, and the life we are creating.
And I smiled. Deep from within my heart.
And, I praised the divine.
I bowed in gratitude to the divine — in service and humility.
And all that I could say in my heart was, “thank you.”

I thought about her words: “It’s your time to receive.” And another friend’s word: “Lisa, when you allow others to care for you, you give them the opportunity to do something for you…and that is a gift. They want to do something.”

How many times have I — have any of us — “not received”…because of pride, the need to “have it all together? Or because it was all too tender and we didn’t have the words and it felt too private to let someone in and be in that tender, vulnerable place???

Yet, this is how we love each other. We give. We receive. It ebbs and flows. There’s a season for both.

And here I am, totally humbled by the kindness of others.  Allowing others in.  Being vulnerable.  Being “not all together”. Being broken and admitting that to another. This is hhhhhhhhhard. And yet…this is how we love and learn to be loved.

I’m learning. I’m learning. Imperfectly and without words at times. But I’m learning.

~ What season are you in right now? To receive or to offer?

A love poem about the everyday kind of love…and saying yes

{I am finding it very healing as I recover from this traumatic brain injury to actually read my old poetry…and to paint. Just a little. Here is a poem that Brian is posting for me today that I wrote several years ago for a friend who was getting married.}

Saying Yes.
Again and Again.

I loved you
long before I ever met you.

Long before I ever knew
the contours
of your face,

before I ever wrapped my arms
around your waist;

before I ever knew
what made you
laugh or cry,
scared or feel alone.

I loved you long before I said

YES.

Yes
to your kisses
and comforting embrace

Yes
to snuggling with you
and making love with you

Yes
to spending the rest of my life
with you.

But what I am discovering lately
is this:

The funny thing about love
is that you have to
keep saying

YES.

Yes
to trash night and
cleaning the bathroom

Yes
to sharing a bank account
and a mortgage

Yes
to long labors
and sleepless nights

Yes
to unexpected losses
and missed opportunities

Yes
to being vulnerable
and choosing to join each other
when we’d rather jump ship.

We have to say yes –
to all of it –
the happy and ecstatic moments
as well as the sad and mournful moments.

We have to keep saying yes
year after year –
and sometimes
minute
by
minute!

We have to choose to say yes,
this moment,
this breath.

So on the day I stand
in front of our family and friends,
I’ll say yes to you –
in that moment,
with that breath,

and all the breaths
I am to have.

Lisa A. McCrohan, © 2010

Receiving mode

It takes courage to admit we can’t. It takes courage to do what we know we need to do to heal while the world around us tries to suck us back into the busyness.

Well, friends, last week I stepped on to a moving treadmill that I thought wasn’t moving. A flip, smack, and thud later, I landed. Hard.

Result? Concussion. Doctor said I need to rest. Not think. Not on the computer.

“Forced retreat” as one friend called it. I realize I’m addicted to my iPhone. Talk about withdrawal!

So here I am practicing “retreat” in my everyday life with two kiddos, mounds of laundry, clients to serve, birthday parties, and smelly bathrooms.

Resting. Receiving. Recognizing I can’t and shouldn’t do it. None of it. Friends and neighbors and family have stepped in. I literally sat the whole time at my son’s Harry Potter birthday party- our community of fam n friends did everything while Brian led 23 kiddos through Hogwarts and potion class and quidditch practice. Feeling totally raw and vulnerable, but surrendering to receiving.

That’s hard for a giver. Many of us spend our days in service mode, all about caring for others. But this is what I preach and this is what I’m getting a chance to practice: caring for self IS caring for others.

So this mama is offline for a few weeks. Receiving. Resting. Renewing.

Sweet love to all of you.
Love,
Lisa

Everyday Courage

a gem i created!

Sometimes the most courageous thing we do in a day is say, “yes.”  Yes to the mess and the imperfect.  Yes to looking at our children with regard, and softly saying, “You matter.”  Yes to responding to our partners with eyes of compassion instead of reacting out of our habitual ways of closing off our hearts.  Yes to writing one more page in the book we were born to create.  Yes to treating ourselves with tenderness.  Yes to the power of gentleness.

I believe that bravery isn’t about being fearless.   It’s about daring to be our vulnerable, real, not-all-together selves and finding the miraculous right here within us and our everyday lives.

That’s courage. 

To be vulnerable — with our own selves, with each other…to dare to say “I love you” and not hold back, to dare to move closer instead of reacting in our habitual ways by pulling back, to speak up for something we believe in even when our voice is shaky or tears come streaming down.

To be real — not someone else, not what anyone else wants or what society wants us to be…but what we KNOW in our bones is our truth.  To speak it.  To live it.  To be it.

To be our “not-all-together-selves” — imperfect.  To “mess up” and give ourselves a dose of compassion and begin again.

To find the miraculous in the mess right here –  YES.  If we are going to be “happy” then it’s RIGHT HERE.  It has to be found right here.  Not on some Caribbean island or at the bottom of a cookie jar — that’s the mind looking for happiness in the wrong place — outside of ourselves.  Nope.  HAPPINESS is a CHOICE.  And it takes courage to orient our hearts and minds to NOTICING the miraculous RIGHT HERE in our everyday lives — the way your daughter’s eyelashes curl, the mere size and shape of your son’s growing hand (almost bigger than yours!), how the snow sparkles at night, the morning light dancing in through your windows, the softness of a blanket wrapped around you, the delight of running into a friend as you are out and about… THESE are the precious and miraculous of our day.  THIS is what saves us.  THIS is how we choose happiness.

To find the miraculous within us — YES.  WITHIN US.  So so often I hear the harsh things people tell themselves — the daily voices in one’s head incessantly saying, “You aren’t enough,” “Who are you to believe you are worth loving?”, “Why even try?  You’ll mess up”…etc etc.  Enough.  Practice softening.  Practicing being breathed.  Practice gentleness.

It takes COURAGE to live this way.  Why?  Because we live in a culture where this isn’t the “norm.”  We are wired to have a bias toward the negative.  BUT we are also wired for compassion, for empathy, for making wise decisions and enlightenment.  And what do I mean by “enlightenment”?  Union with (however you define) the Divine.

Yes, dear ones, it takes courage to find the Divine, right here in our everyday lives.  But…it is here.  All around us.  I see it in you — your writing, your voice, the way your hair curls, the laugh lines on your face, the boldness of your brown eyes, your aging hands, the stories you tell, the way you come up with these hilarious one liners, the courage you have to get up every morning…and love.

So keep saying YES!  Yes to the mess, to loving, to softening, to the imperfect, to the unexpected, to the joy, to the sadness, to the miraculous…right here.

Love,

Lisa

 

**  Check out this piece from a TED video on GRATITUDE… “if you do nothing else than notice the great gift this great day is…if you learn to respond as if it is the first day of your life and the last day of your life, you will have spent it well.”

 

Being Brave

I posted this yesterday on Facebook:

Some times the most courageous thing we do in a day is just show up. Show up and be our vulnerable, real, not all together n perfect selves. We do it with heart n “realness.” Like tonight with me teaching a new class- Iam always nervous. I just am. I’ve taught hundreds of times n I still hope people get it, I hope people come away feeling better n lighter n connected. I haven’t mastered not having expectations. So I feel into that nervousness. I ok it, allow it to be there. I ground myself. I surrender. I pray n ask that the divine speak n move though me n I speak the truth rising up fri within me n that my authenticity, however flawed or fascinating, softens n nourishes the hearts I am with. THAT is courage. Love, Lisa

Bravery has got NOTHIN’ to do with FEELING brave!  It’s got everything to do with being willing to DROP the perfect, the “I’ve got it together” gimmick, the “I have to have it all perfect” need for control…and getting REAL.  Being real, being vulnerable, being hopeful, being full of fear, being courageous enough…DARING ENOUGH…to believe that voice within us now turned to shouting to get our attention…to get us to believe and embody “I AM AMAZING!  I AM BEAUTIFUL!  I AM ENOUGH!  I AM GOOD AND HOLY AND WHOLE!”

This world, shoot — our childhood — however “perfect” they were or weren’t — would have us believing in scarcity, playing small, being out for “numero uno” in an obsessive and myopic way…believing we are not enough, we shouldn’t be so bold, we shouldn’t be so powerful.  Well, ENOUGH.  Enough of all those voices.  Enough believing all those lies and untruths!

I choose to be courageous enough to believe in my goodness.  I choose to believe that the Divine has some awesome work and words and poetry to share through my hands, my eyes, my life!  I’ve KNOWN that since I was a little girl.  I can remember being really little and believing I’d own my own business and I’d write and I’d lead and I’d be about helping people and I’d be about moving my body.  Well, look at me!  That’s what I do!  But there has always still been something in me — those voices — that say, “But you don’t know enough” or “who, YOU?!”  or “don’t be such a know-it-all” or “don’t sound too confident” or “don’t mess up and appear weak, either!”  or “You are going to cry if you start reading your poetry or really talking from your heart!”  OR… this is a doosey: “Who’d want to join YOU??”

Well, so what?  So what if I cry or mess up or don’t get it perfect or I am nervous or that I come across as a “know it all?”  I doesn’t matter any more if someone likes me or not; gets it or not; if I belong or not.  Ultimately…we belong to the DIVINE!  We can’t NOT belong!  Too many times I’ve let the little “new kid in the Catholic school” girl in me shy away and be filled with fear that I’ll be “kicked off the lunch table” (seriously.  I was.  That’s a whole other story!).   YES, ME!  The Divine wants ME to stand up and sing it, say it, read it, lead it, move it.  THIS takes courage.  It takes COMMUNITY.  It takes bravery.  It’s scary, crazy…and I can’t “not” do it.  To stay quiet or step down or not teach or not lead would disgrace the divine.  I’ve been encouraging, supporting, accompanying others doing this for years.  Now, today, me…taking the next courageous step in my own path.

This day, this moment, has been coming.  It’s been rising up from within me for YEARS now.  Through meditation, lots of “being in the messy,” lots of “getting real,” and lots of “being right here and STAYING.  SOFTEN.  ALLOW” when really, I’d want to high-tail it outta there.  And today…today something just ‘clicked.’  Or snapped.  Or…came together.  And I can’t go back.  This is it.  And actually, this is how I’ve been living my life.  Boldly.  Sooooo imperfect.  So human.  So authentic.  So “The Divine has got somethin’ to say and move through ME!”

We all have it in us — this desire to be authentic and live courageously.  HOW ARE YOU CALLED TO LIVE COURAGEOUSLY?!

Well, this is me waking up a bit more today.  And, so beautifully, just a few days until my 39th bday!

What a gift — to be courageous and bold and believe and embody our goodness!  However messy and miraculous that is!  And it doesn’t feel like a big step.  It’s just, as my beautiful mom says, “the next right step.”

Everyday Courage

I’ve been reading Brene Brown’s book, “Daring Greatly.”  It is extraordinary.  What she has researched and writes about is what my heart intuitively knows.  Soooo much more to come, but I wanted to share this…

Living courageously is choosing to find, notice, cultivate, and savor the good RIGHT here in our everyday lives!  It’s choosing to connect instead of close off or disconnect because you feel vulnerable and scared, brought on by ollllllld wiring in your brain that is NO LONGER useful!

Today is hardly an ideal day.  We have one sick one – high fever.  Brian is working.  We both have to teach tonight — it’s the first night of a series we are part of facilitating at church.  We have a two year old who wants mom’s attention.  Crazy ads are appearing on my blog and website and facebook page.  We have a ton of things to do for this upcoming week.  Lunch needs to be made.  You know how it is.  You want to create, you have work to do, kids are crying and fighting, your hair isn’t done and you forgot to shave your legs (again!), let alone you haven’t exercised or meditated today.

This is EXACTLY when we need to PAUSE.  To stop right in that moment you feel a tightness coming across your chest.  And soften.  Looooook fooooor the gooooooood.  It’s right here.  In your everyday life.  This is where the magic is — right here in the messiness of our ordinary day.  Put down your cell phone.  Let the dinner-making be for a bit.  Pull out a popsicle if you need to!  And hold your little one – your toddler or teenager – and look at them!  Look at them with regard and love.

Today, I am delighting in Little C’s rainboots and batgirl outfit and how she has a story going on at any given moment of the day.  I’m holding our little five year old with a fever and…doing nothing extraordinary — just trying to be present and kind and love him.  THAT is magic.  THAT is courage in action.