I remember the panic rising up from my belly the moment I realized, the moment it really sank in, what had just happened. The bells on the tower at Boston College started ringing – slowly, methodically, again and again. And somehow, everyone – students, professors, staff – knew something was wrong. Something big. Something horrible. Something we still didn’t quite understand – in our own hearts, in our country. As if in slow motion, the bells beckoned us to gather – hundreds of us – in the Center Square.
Then the panic. Gathered together, everyone was on their cell phone. Again and again, callers heard, “This call cannot be completed. All circuits are busy now. Please try again later.” There was no “later” in that moment. Every single one of us wanted to connect. We wanted to connect to our dear ones – to make sure they were all right. Suddenly in that moment, for an entire nation, the spat earlier in the morning or the long-held grudges didn’t matter.
What mattered was connection and love.
What mattered was letting go of whatever separated us from our dearest ones.
What mattered was forgiving.
What mattered was speaking the words, “I love you” with clarity and conviction.
What mattered was knowing that our dear ones knew – in their bones – that we loved them.
Twelve years later, isn’t this still what matters most? Most of us have heard stories of loved ones on one of the planes on that tragic day or in one of the towers knowing they were going to die. They weren’t checking in with the office. They weren’t thinking about how messy their house was. They weren’t clutching their agendas. They were calling their loved ones. They were coming face to face with their own lives, looking to make amends, and make sure their dear ones knew in every single bone and fiber of their bodies that they were loved.
We never know when will be our last breath. We only know that we are breathing and alive in this moment. If there is something we can do to honor those who died today, it is to wake up.
Wake up in this very moment.
Wake up and let go of the non-essentials, let go of the grudges, let go of the worry, let go of anything that keeps us from loving.
Wake up to the miraculous right here in our messy lives.
Wake up our hearts and let them love without holding back.
Everyday moments of waking up.
Everyday moments of resurrection.
Each and every day there is an opportunity for us to wake up. Every day holds a new invitation to notice the gems that are right here in our daily lives. Every day we can look deeply into our hearts and know what we have to do when we “open that door.”
By Lisa A. McCrohan
There comes a moment
when you know
that you can no longer keep digging in the past
searching for the magical golden “why”
that you think will finally heal
There comes a defining moment
when you are standing in the rain
outside your front door
with grocery bags in your hands
hungry, tired, soaking wet
and you see how all these years
you’ve just been running
even if it’s to therapy
you have been running
and you know
that no amount of analyzing it
is going to get you any closer
to being happy
and folding into the arms
that want to hold you
when you open that door.
The small, still voice
has been whispering to you
late at night for so long:
“There is another way, Love.”
But it is finally today
that you hear her
clear and certain
as the voice
of your true God.
And you know now
there is no going back.
No talking, judging,
trying to fix it, wishing it away.
You are done
wrapping your whole self-concept
around that wound
done believing that
there even is a wound to heal.
You stand there
opening up to
the spacious grace of emptiness
now swimming in your chest
with no desire to run and quickly fill it.
You know now what you have to do
when you open that door.
And you softly smile.
© 2011 Lisa A. McCrohan
Today, I am thinking about and holding all those who mourn. All those who have lost someone dear to them or who are sitting with a dear one who is dying. Yes, our hearts can be that big. And we honor them all by holding what really matters in this moment, with these arms we have, with this big heart we have.
Lisa A. McCrohan
MA, LCSW-C, RYT
** Friends, I’m glad you are a part of this community. I hope today you are inspired to live with more delight, compassion, and connection. Visit the Barefoot Barn for more information or contact me about mindful coaching, psychotherapy, workshops and retreats.