I posted this yesterday on Facebook:
Some times the most courageous thing we do in a day is just show up. Show up and be our vulnerable, real, not all together n perfect selves. We do it with heart n “realness.” Like tonight with me teaching a new class- Iam always nervous. I just am. I’ve taught hundreds of times n I still hope people get it, I hope people come away feeling better n lighter n connected. I haven’t mastered not having expectations. So I feel into that nervousness. I ok it, allow it to be there. I ground myself. I surrender. I pray n ask that the divine speak n move though me n I speak the truth rising up fri within me n that my authenticity, however flawed or fascinating, softens n nourishes the hearts I am with. THAT is courage. Love, Lisa
Bravery has got NOTHIN’ to do with FEELING brave! It’s got everything to do with being willing to DROP the perfect, the “I’ve got it together” gimmick, the “I have to have it all perfect” need for control…and getting REAL. Being real, being vulnerable, being hopeful, being full of fear, being courageous enough…DARING ENOUGH…to believe that voice within us now turned to shouting to get our attention…to get us to believe and embody “I AM AMAZING! I AM BEAUTIFUL! I AM ENOUGH! I AM GOOD AND HOLY AND WHOLE!”
This world, shoot — our childhood — however “perfect” they were or weren’t — would have us believing in scarcity, playing small, being out for “numero uno” in an obsessive and myopic way…believing we are not enough, we shouldn’t be so bold, we shouldn’t be so powerful. Well, ENOUGH. Enough of all those voices. Enough believing all those lies and untruths!
I choose to be courageous enough to believe in my goodness. I choose to believe that the Divine has some awesome work and words and poetry to share through my hands, my eyes, my life! I’ve KNOWN that since I was a little girl. I can remember being really little and believing I’d own my own business and I’d write and I’d lead and I’d be about helping people and I’d be about moving my body. Well, look at me! That’s what I do! But there has always still been something in me — those voices — that say, “But you don’t know enough” or “who, YOU?!” or “don’t be such a know-it-all” or “don’t sound too confident” or “don’t mess up and appear weak, either!” or “You are going to cry if you start reading your poetry or really talking from your heart!” OR… this is a doosey: “Who’d want to join YOU??”
Well, so what? So what if I cry or mess up or don’t get it perfect or I am nervous or that I come across as a “know it all?” I doesn’t matter any more if someone likes me or not; gets it or not; if I belong or not. Ultimately…we belong to the DIVINE! We can’t NOT belong! Too many times I’ve let the little “new kid in the Catholic school” girl in me shy away and be filled with fear that I’ll be “kicked off the lunch table” (seriously. I was. That’s a whole other story!). YES, ME! The Divine wants ME to stand up and sing it, say it, read it, lead it, move it. THIS takes courage. It takes COMMUNITY. It takes bravery. It’s scary, crazy…and I can’t “not” do it. To stay quiet or step down or not teach or not lead would disgrace the divine. I’ve been encouraging, supporting, accompanying others doing this for years. Now, today, me…taking the next courageous step in my own path.
This day, this moment, has been coming. It’s been rising up from within me for YEARS now. Through meditation, lots of “being in the messy,” lots of “getting real,” and lots of “being right here and STAYING. SOFTEN. ALLOW” when really, I’d want to high-tail it outta there. And today…today something just ‘clicked.’ Or snapped. Or…came together. And I can’t go back. This is it. And actually, this is how I’ve been living my life. Boldly. Sooooo imperfect. So human. So authentic. So “The Divine has got somethin’ to say and move through ME!”
We all have it in us — this desire to be authentic and live courageously. HOW ARE YOU CALLED TO LIVE COURAGEOUSLY?!
Well, this is me waking up a bit more today. And, so beautifully, just a few days until my 39th bday!
What a gift — to be courageous and bold and believe and embody our goodness! However messy and miraculous that is! And it doesn’t feel like a big step. It’s just, as my beautiful mom says, “the next right step.”