In a Single Day
There are a million chances
in a single
when we have the power
to build someone up
or tear them down,
a million chances to
or move toward,
to be right
or be kind,
to act out of fear
Lisa A. McCrohan © 2009
People come to me in pain. Maybe not physical pain, but emotional, psychological, spiritual and surely “relational” pain. They want to know how to connect to their partner (and others in their lives), how to be happy, and a lot of the times, how to get their needs met.
A sure way to not be happy, to not connect to your beloved, to not get your needs met, and to remain suffering is to believe you have no choice – that “this” – whatever it is – is happening “to you.”
Many of us believe that IF ONLY our partner were to do X, THEN we’d get along…THEN I’d be happy, THEN I wouldn’t get so frustrated, THEN I wouldn’t nag (or pull away, or blow up).
These “IF / THEN” statements are a lie, a distorted belief that keeps us trapped in the same old way of feeling, reacting, and being together.
One path to “being happy,” to connecting with your beloved, and to possibly shifting the suffering in your life is to realize you have a choice.
Every day YOU have a choice. And a million chances to try something different.
Will your voice communicate kindness or meanness?
Will you pull away or move toward?
Will you choose to follow the fears of your ego or the wisdom of your heart?
It can be scary to try something new. It’s as though everything in you is resisting it (that’s the ego, friend). The ego loves what is comfortable – even if it isn’t healthy or helping you to grow (or grow up!).
So just breathe.
Acknowledge that fear.
Don’t try to get rid of it.
Allow it to be there.
It’ll end up shifting on its own.
A choice will rise up within you.
AND then make a choice.
Even when you mess up, ok, let that moment go.
THIS moment, THIS choice.
Ok so you mess up again. Let it go. Make your choice in this new breath, this new moment.
I mess up every day – I may react harshly to my husband or sigh a long “I’m annoyed and I’m pulling away” kind of sigh. But some times I can catch myself and wake up…and make a different choice. Wow! What a difference this makes.
My willingness to be vulnerable and say, “Wow, I’m sorry, let’s try this again” and own my reactions becomes an invitation to Brian to come closer…it draws him in and we connect.
YOU have the power to create or destroy the life you want. In every every every situation there is a choice.
Buddha said something like this: “Liberation isn’t the end of suffering but rather the realization that you are suffering.”
Why? Because when you wake up and realize that you are suffering, then you have a choice. THAT is liberation.