lifesshinyprettythings.blogspot.com/
In a Single Day
There are a million chances
in a single
day
when we have the power
to create
or destroy,
to build someone up
or tear them down,
a million chances to
pull away
or move toward,
to be right
or be kind,
to act out of fear
or choose
Love.
Lisa A. McCrohan © 2009
People come to me in pain. Maybe not physical pain, but emotional, psychological, spiritual and surely “relational” pain. They want to know how to connect to their partner (and others in their lives), how to be happy, and a lot of the times, how to get their needs met.
A sure way to not be happy, to not connect to your beloved, to not get your needs met, and to remain suffering is to believe you have no choice – that “this” – whatever it is – is happening “to you.”
Many of us believe that IF ONLY our partner were to do X, THEN we’d get along…THEN I’d be happy, THEN I wouldn’t get so frustrated, THEN I wouldn’t nag (or pull away, or blow up).
These “IF / THEN” statements are a lie, a distorted belief that keeps us trapped in the same old way of feeling, reacting, and being together.
One path to “being happy,” to connecting with your beloved, and to possibly shifting the suffering in your life is to realize you have a choice.
Every day YOU have a choice. And a million chances to try something different.
Will your voice communicate kindness or meanness?
Will you pull away or move toward?
Will you choose to follow the fears of your ego or the wisdom of your heart?
It can be scary to try something new. It’s as though everything in you is resisting it (that’s the ego, friend). The ego loves what is comfortable – even if it isn’t healthy or helping you to grow (or grow up!).
So just breathe.
Acknowledge that fear.
Don’t try to get rid of it.
Allow it to be there.
It’ll end up shifting on its own.
A choice will rise up within you.
AND then make a choice.
Even when you mess up, ok, let that moment go.
THIS moment, THIS choice.
Ok so you mess up again. Let it go. Make your choice in this new breath, this new moment.
I mess up every day – I may react harshly to my husband or sigh a long “I’m annoyed and I’m pulling away” kind of sigh. But some times I can catch myself and wake up…and make a different choice. Wow! What a difference this makes.
My willingness to be vulnerable and say, “Wow, I’m sorry, let’s try this again” and own my reactions becomes an invitation to Brian to come closer…it draws him in and we connect.
YOU have the power to create or destroy the life you want. In every every every situation there is a choice.
Buddha said something like this: “Liberation isn’t the end of suffering but rather the realization that you are suffering.”
Why? Because when you wake up and realize that you are suffering, then you have a choice. THAT is liberation.
Lisa A. McCrohan
May 08, 2012 @ 13:50:25
Thank you for this reminder that every single day – every single moment! – is an opportunity to begin again. I stumble constantly, too, so I need these reminders. Thank you. xo
May 09, 2012 @ 07:25:13
LIndsey – yes, obviously me too! It’s interesting, I’ll tell clients how I’ve been practicing things like this for decades and STILL in a millasecond I can get hijacked by my amygdala and react instead of respond. But like my meditation teacher says, we are practicing to catch ourselves quicker before our anger (or whatever) burns down the whole forest!
May 09, 2012 @ 04:23:20
I love this post!I love what Buddha said.
Reading the 3 questions made me think and compare with my life at home.
I am so used to the having tension is our relationship that I let my fear take control, and I become defensive as soon as he arrives, before I know in what mood he is. My fear is the cause of a lot of troubles because instead of expecting the good i am there expecting him to yell and abuse
May 09, 2012 @ 07:22:29
Nikky, the point you bring up, though, is good. Fear is there for a reason – to protect us. It’s innate in us. BUT it’s how we let that fear control us OR instead, if we let it INFORM us — how to SEE clearly what is happening and how to RESPOND instead of react. There is something innate in you that is protecting yourself, possibly because you have been yelled at and abused. Choosing to connect is also about choosing to SEE CLEARLY what is going on — seeing and naming abuse of any sort, seeing and naming where fear comes into play, seeing and naming where we have lost our voice and having REGARD for ourselves AND the other to establish and create healthy ways of talking and relating that honor our integrity and that of our partner’s.
May 10, 2012 @ 03:40:21
You are right Lisa. My fear is there for a reason and it’s up to me to chose how to use it. Living in constant abuse makes me always expect the worst.
I love your reply. I have read it so many times since yesterday. It makes me think and try to really analyze my situation. It’s really so complicated
May 09, 2012 @ 11:13:44
Another beautiful post. AND, you have just been nominated for the “Very Inspiring Blogger Award”. If you wish to accept the award, and I hope you will, simply follow the instructions here:
http://erranttranscendentalist.wordpress.com/2012/05/09/very-inspiring-blogger-award/
Namaste…Angela
May 10, 2012 @ 04:34:42
Hi Lisa, I just nominated you for the Versatile Blogger and Beautiful blogger awards! You can check it on my latest Blog post!
http://nikkysstrengthandweakness-nikky44.blogspot.com/2012/05/i-am-very-excited-to-announce-that-i.html
May 10, 2012 @ 07:00:32
Sweet nikky, thank you! I’ll post about these when i am at my laptop this weekend! Lovely!