Mom and dad, Soon enough I will be walking and talking. Soon enough I’ll be riding the bus to school. Soon enough I will be a teenager. Please remember me just as I am in this moment - new, soft, vulnerable, and in need of your kind, loving presence. Please always use kind words with me that lift me up and regard me as whole and good and made in God’s image.
I recently found this video by Dr. Dan Siegel talking to a group of people about the power of just one word. If you are a parent, you should know him. His work in neuroscience and parenting will change the way you look at parenting…and your child. Here’s his website.
Try this (by yourself or with a friend. Not your child.):
Say the word, “NO!” several times in a harsh tone.
…like this, “NO! NO! NO! NO!”
Notice how your body reacts.
Say the word, “YES.” several times in a soft, loving tone.
…like this, “Yes. Yes. Yes.”
Notice how your body reacts.
(I’d be curious to hear your reactions).
Whenever I do this with a group, the reaction is strong and clear.
We can connect with our children using just one word. Yes, I know, there is a time and place for both “no” and “yes.” It’s about balance. BUUUUT, our “yeses” can be kind and our “no’s” can be kind as well. A “no” can still carry a sense of REGARD and love for our children. Not anger — which, underneath, is really fear. OUR fear.
Apr 22, 2012 @ 22:20:39
Thank you Lisa, for another post that allows me to let out a deep breath and just be. Your words and thoughts ring true as always. (PS I’ve moved blogging homes if you want to pop by and see.) xx
Apr 22, 2012 @ 22:53:08
Love the timeliness of this post. My friend and I were just sharing how we “absentmindedly” tell our children, “no.” like when I’m studying and my son asks me if he can color…I will say no, then moments later realize that his request was perfectly wonderful and that I was being rude in dismissing him. The exercise in the video was vert powerful. Thank you for sharing.