Gem of Wisdom: Remember you are the ocean

Love has the final say.  I do believe that in the end, we come from love and we return to love.  Love and wholeness are our birthright.  But when we are suffering, it can seem like our suffering will never end.  Love, life, hope…all seem to be too flowery, wimpy, or way far off and unavailable.

Think of suffering as a wave.  Regard your anxious thoughts, your bouts of anger, your grief late at night…all as waves.  Sometimes your grief can seem like a wave that goes on forever.  Sometimes your anger seems like a wave that tosses you around.  Sometimes your anxiety feels like a wave that washes over you several times a day.  But…it is a wave.  And it belongs to the ocean.  It rises from (and in) the ocean, and it returns to the ocean.

There is something within you that is bigger than the wave, that holds the wave.  There is something within you that is the ocean.  Call it Self or God…whatever language resonates with you.  But YOU are the ocean. The Love and Light that is within you – that is the ocean.  The “voice within”, the Spirit within, the Sacred Space within you – this is the ocean.  The waves are a part of you, but you are much more than the waves.  You are the ocean.

You call forth the waves.  You call them back to you.  They belong to you.  They may rise and cause some commotion on the surface.  But your deep waters know a deeper truth than the illusion you are temporarily believing in the middle of experiencing a wave.

Go to these deep waters when you are suffering.  Trust the gem of wisdom these deep waters speak to you.  Find a steadiness here that is a refreshing relief from the surface waters that change with every shift in your emotional weather system.

And ultimately, you will experience and know in your bones, you are the ocean.  You are love.  And it IS Love that will have the final say, no matter how strong or long the wave of suffering.

The next time you experience an unpleasant wave and you are suffering, say to yourself:  “I remember now that I am the ocean.”  And watch the wave rise, fall, and return back to you as the ocean. 

It sounds simple.  And it is.  But it’s not easy.  When we are suffering, everything in us wants to tighten up, get control, get a grip.  It takes conscious, mindfulness effort to remember to soften and say to ourselves, “I am not only this wave.  I am the ocean.”  And it takes discipline to say it again and again and again in the throws of the habitual waves we are used to experiencing.  So take heart.  Be gentle with yourself.  And if I can support you with  mindfulness coaching or anything else, please…contact me.

Blessings,

Lisa

** Need support in riding the waves?  I can support you with mindful coaching.  Over the phone, over skype, or in person, I work with folks who want to live with more delight, compassion, and connection in their everyday lives…waves and all!  I am also a body-centered psychotherapist and yoga teacher offering individual sessions and group workshops and retreats.  Visit the Barefoot Barn for more information on our services or contact me with questions, to schedule a time to talk, or learn more.

Gem of Truth: time to play it safe or take a risk?

Gem of Truth today: right now, in your life, are you being called to “play it safe” and stick to what is known and can be expected and predictable? There is a time for that.

Or are you being called to take a risk, to go into the “unknown,” to take a leap of faith, to follow a deep-seeded dream (ha! I meant “deep-seated! But deep “seeded” is INTERESTING too!!!) within you that has been calling to you (even shouting to you! waking you up late at night!) for so long now? There is a time for this, too.

Whatever season you are…be in it whole-heartedly. Get real with yourself. Embrace your truth. Embody it. I’m with ya’ll!

Me?  I’m being called to “GO FOR IT!”  That late-at-night whisper has turned into a big ‘ol shout: “LIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSA!”  So little everyday risks are in order here, taking me out of my usual way of doing things.  I’m going for it whole-heartedly.

This reminds me of the quote I have on the Barefoot Barn’s website: “We here at the Barefoot Barn believe that bravery isn’t about being fearless.  It’s about daring to be our real, not-all-together selves and finding the miraculous right here within us and our everyday lives. This breath.  These dirty dishes.  This list of “to do.”  This choice.”

So being brave is about BEING the truth within us.  Right here.  In our everyday lives.
Love, Lisa

Thank you for sharing these Gems of Delight (truth, peace, compassion, joy…) with the dear ones in your life.  Thank you for being a part of this community of soulful folks who are about bringing more delight, compassion, and connection in our everyday lives.  Visit the Barefoot Barn for more info.!

Gem of peace: doing nothing out of anger

Gem of PEACE for today: A few weeks ago, the contractors restoring our house messed up and didn’t put insulation back into one of our walls.  Here’s how it went down and what I learned…about myself and anger.

I had a feeling they didn’t put insulation into one of the walls they were restoring.  I asked them.  “Of course we did,” they assured me.

But it still bugged me.  Brian and I sat with it over night.  We decided to ask them in the morning to open the drywall again.  If there was insulation, we’d pay for the extra repairs.

In the morning, Brian asked them to cut open the drywall to see.  There wasn’t any.

Brian was there when all this went down as I was at the doctor’s office (remember, I still have a brain injury!).  When he told me, I was livid.  I felt cheated.  I felt taken advantage of.  I was angry that we had been so kind to the workers (feeding them, making sure they were comfortable) and this is how they treated us.

I told Brian I was going to march into the house and talk to the manager. I walked inside and found the head guy.  I said to him, “How could you?!  How could you do this?!  We were kind to you!  We made sure you were taken care of.  We trusted you!”

I wasn’t yelling – and I felt “proud” of myself for this (I’m not proud of this now!).  Until…

The manager apologizes profusely.  He then explained what happened.  It was a mistake.  Nothing intentional.  All the guys on the crew apologized.  One guy cut the drywall and left it there. Another guy went upstairs, saw the drywall in place and just started sealing it up without checking to make sure it was ready to go.  Yes, they are responsible for slowing down and doing a good job.  BUT…

THIS is what sits with me:  I intentionally went in there to talk to the manager knowing I was angry, thinking I was justified and that my story was correct (“they are taking advantage of us!” etc).   I didn’t seek to understand first.  And really…my story was wrong. 

The bottom line is this:

my anger was coming from stress (try having a brain injury and then three floors worth of your home destroyed and tons of pounding and sawing) and from fear (feeling vulnerable — I know nothing about home repairs).  It was also coming from old habitual ways of thinking…past experiences making their way into my analysis of the current situation.

Anger does this — we get a story going in our head.  Our thinking becomes really myopic (“they did this to pull one over on us!”).   We feel vulnerable, taken advantage of, like a victim, and powerless.  We get justified in our anger.  And we act out.

I am learned that even though I was correct in that they did not put in insulation, it didn’t serve me (I felt awful later) or the situation to act out of anger.  I am learning and learning that when we are angry, it is better to do NOTHING.  Don’t talk.  Don’t reply to an email.  Don’t text. Goodness don’t post it on Facebook.  Don’t do ANYTHING out of anger.

Instead…breathe.  Long exhales.

Tend to the vulnerable feeling.

Tend to the feeling of powerlessness.

Treat yourself with the utmost kindness and tender regard.

Soften. 

Wait.

A reaction out of anger is always from fear.  And it holds an empty, short-lived, ultimately deflating sense of power (often then filled with guilt and shame).  It hurts others.  It hurts ourselves.  It disconnects us from others and our own hearts.  It feels sticky, ugly, yucky.  It’s laden with regret.

A response out of groundedness, tenderness, and self-compassion comes from love.  And it holds a sort of power that is spacious, full, uplifting, and EMPOWERING.  A true power.  It connects us to the deep power of our hearts…and this universe.  No matter what the outcome of the situation, there is a sense of peace within us because we are taking action that is aligned with love — ultimately, our true nature…our home.

I may not do this every time.  But I am going to make a commitment to try and do NOTHING out of anger.  Instead, to pause and wait… wait with kindness for my own self and breathe.  If this is humanly possible, I hope you will join me!  Do NOTHING when you are angry!  Wait.

Share with me how it goes for you!

Love,

Lisa

* Thank you for reading these Gems of Delight and being a part of the Barefoot Barn community.  Thank you for being a part of this evolution of bringing more compassion into the world by sharing these Gems with your dear ones so they can live with more delight, compassion, and connection in their everyday lives.  I hope these Gems serve you.  Visit the Barefoot Barn website for other ways that I may serve you with mindful coaching (especially for parents!), psychotherapy, workshops and retreats.  Thank you for sharing your comments — it is always a delight to hear what gems are emerging within your own heart.

Our family’s ban on being busy and in a hurry

When is the last time you talked to someone and they didn’t say they WEREN’T busy?!
A conversation usually goes like this:

“How are you guys?”
“Oh you know, we’ve got such n such going on and then there’s such n such coming up. We’re runnin’ from one thing to the next.”
“Oh I know. We are so busy too.”

It’s so common place that we come to expect people to say they are busy. And we think nothing of it when we say how busy we are.

But we should.

When’s the last time you WEREN’T hurrying to get somewhere?  Didn’t have adrenaline rushing through your veins on the way to work or to drop off your kiddos?

All this being busy and hurrying everywhere reeks havoc on our nervous system. It keeps us in stress mode. And that effects EVERY system in us – immune system, digestive…you name it.

And our children???

Our children’s generation is the first to be so darn rushed all the time from a young age on. What do we think is going to be the impact on our children’s developing brains, hearts, bodies, and relationships to be so hurried all the time, to be so in stress mode all the time???

Well the other night, I had enough. I had enough of treating the clock as a god. I had enough of hurrying my kiddos to eat breakfast and get out the door and into the car to go to school.  I was appalled at how the doctor and nurse (though knowledgable and kind) hurried our daughter through her three-year old check up with rushed hands — and how they probably did this with every other child that day and no other parent thought ANYTHING of it.  Why? Because we are used to it!  We are used to our bodies and presence not being regarded as sacred.

Well, enough, I said.

Sitting at the breakfast table…late…I looked around and I thought, “this is crazy. Our culture has lost all regard for honoring the sacredness of the body, for reverencing and honoring its flow. I refuse to teach my children to not honor their bodies. Let them sleep. Let them eat. Peacefully. And Brian and I are doing nothing for our relationship with our kiddos to be on them and hurrying them. Enough. I call for a family ban on being busy and in a hurry.”

Maybe it’s this mid-life shift thing I’m going through (it’s not a crisis and it’s not an awakening. I’m awake. Now I’m just takin’ action n shiftin’ stuff. Big time.).  I’m taking more responsibility for MY life and how I want to live it. No one else is going to be at my deathbed with me and the divine.

It’s going to be me and the Big G reflecting back on my life and asking, “Did I love fully?  Did I live fully?”

It won’t be: “Did I get the kiddos to soccer practice on time?”

Instead I’ll recall images of me and Brian being present with our children.  I’ll recall regarding them and seeing, really SEEING, their needs…and responding to them.  I’ll recall holding Little C. for awhile longer even though we are late for a playdate.  I’ll recall letting Big A. sleep in, leisurely being with him (with my eyes, my attention, my tone of voice), and then going to school.  I’ll recall the times I remembered what is most important.

mutual regard

So it’ll take some time (ha!) to get the busy and the hurry out of our nervous systems. But I am committing myself to “the ban on busy”. I’m committing myself to not being in a hurry.  To slowing it all down.  And really, there is no time to be in a rush.  Life is precious.  Short and precious.

Three ways to practice self-compassion

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”

- Carl Gustav

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere.  You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”

- Buddha

You all know that I am BIG on the fact that foundation of mindful parenting (and living) isn’t focusing on our children’s behavior or even discipline strategies. It’s self-care for mama (and dad).  It’s caring for that beautiful, courageous, tender, loving self of yours.   Self-compassion is the foundation for deeply loving and tending to our dear ones.

But it’s “hard”, right?  We live in a culture that doesn’t support us nourishing ourselves.  I’m talking deep nourishment.  Not the kind that lasts for a split second and then vanishes.  We think we don’t have time.  Our days are busy.  Some of us think it’s too “self indulgent” and we “should” put others first.

But I am finding over the years of being a parent (with mid-night wakings, little sick ones, volunteering at school, balancing work and family life, and running off to soccer practice) that the more I flourish, the more I am able to wisely support the flourishing of my children.  I can more mindfully sense and see their needs without reacting emotionally.  I am better resourced to respond instead of react.

I am also finding that while “girls’ night” is great and I need the community of other women, I need DAILY ways of tending to and nurturing myself so that abundance flows IN me and THROUGH me to the dear ones in my life.  I am also finding that we can weave compassion practices into our daily life.  Each time we pause to nourish ourselves in simple, little ways throughout our day, the effect on our nervous system is cumulative.  We build up a neuropathway that creates a habit out of loving ourselves when we do this little, simple, quick everyday acts of self-compassion.

But it does require INTENTIONAL, deliberate practice.  But just liiiiiiiitttle everyday ways…everyday. One choice.  Then another.

Here are three simple, everyday ways that you can practice self-compassion:

1. Notice the good.  I wrote a post on noticing the good in our dear ones, especially our children and partners.  We can so get into the habit of noticing what’s wrong, especially with ourselves.  What about those things we whisper half-consciously to ourselves in the mirror in the morning or when we’ve “messed up” at home or work?  This negative self-talk has an impact on our mood, nervous system, and actions.

As you go throughout your day, try noticing what’s good about you.  Notice what is beautiful. Notice what is kind.

And pause there for a moment.  Notice how it feels to notice the good in you.

How does your body react?  Do you feel your shoulders relax, your heart lift up, your stomach relax?  Do you smile?  How about your breath – what happens to your breath when you notice the good within you and savor it?

And then as you go about your day, how do you treat others because you have noticed the good in your own self?

2.  Tend and befriend yourself.  As you go about your day and you notice the inner critic roaring her head, pause and see yourself as one of your dearest friends would.  What would she say to you?  How would she encourage you to see yourself and treat yourself?

Maybe it’s saying, “Hey girl, don’t get bogged down in this feeling!  You’ve got it!  It’s ok!”  Or “Girl, let it go!”  Or “Be gentle with yourself!”  Or “Are you kidding?!  You look fabulous (…you are a loving mom, good friend, smart business woman…)”

Hear her words.  Put your hand on your heart, see your goodness, drop the need to be perfect, and tend to yourself like your friend would tell you to.

3.  Practice taking a N.A.P.!  We all could use some more sleep, but what I’m talking about here is learning to name, accept, and give yourself kind presence.  Here is a great post on how to practice NAP with difficult emotions — you know, those kinds of moments when you feel a whole slew of emotions and you can’t identify what in the heck is going on within you and all you know is you are about to cry or scream?  Yep.  Try NAP.
I hope these serve you in your daily loving, living, and being!

Here are some additional fabulous, cutting-edge resources on self-compassion:

Christopher Germer: Mindful Self-compassion

Center for Mindful Self-compassion

Kristin Neff: Self-compassion

Blessings of compassion,

Lisa A. McCrohan

** Need support in self-compassion?  I do mindfulness coaching over the phone.  Visit us at the Barefoot Barn for body-centered psychotherapy, mindfulness coaching, yoga, workshops, and works of art to inspire more delight, compassion, and connection in our everyday lives.++

Holy Saturday: the space between death and birth

Reblogged from Gems of Delight:

This is a reprint from Holy Saturday 2007...

Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself? - Tao Te Ching

Birthing my son is the closest I have come to touching the hem of Death.  In Tibet, they say childbirth is the closest one comes to death.  

Read more… 448 more words

Often in this Easter season we can focus on Thursday, Friday and Sunday...but what about Saturday? Holy Saturday. That space between birth and death. That time when nothing seems to be happening. As I recoup from this brain injury and (this just happened this week) water overflowed from our bathroom and three levels of our home are in chaos, I am moved again to share this post. I hope it resonates with all of you. Yes, being in the space between death and birth/birth and death...between what was and what is still yet to come...and holding vigil, nourishing ourselves, gathering in community, waiting for the mud to settle, allowing the Divine to Rise within us out of the ashes. Easter Blessings, Lisa

Five ways to follow what delights your heart

I don’t remember the first time I paused and softly smiled upon hearing the word, “delight.”  Maybe it was when my mom said, “How about you write what’s on your heart and call it ‘Gems of Delight’?”  As moms usually do, she knew what was on my heart before I could consciously name it.

Delight.

“Our true nature is filled with delight,” I wrote on the Barefoot Barn’s website nine years ago and it is still there today.  Look at any little kiddo.  Everything delights them – everyday things like the “magic” of peek-a-boo, their own toes, your silly faces, the dog’s huge tongue, going big poops in the potty…you name it.  Delight can be lowkey, content, an inner soft smile.  It doesn’t have to be verbose or grand.  Just a deep sense of lightness and contentment.

Delight FEELS good.  When we take delight in something, we feel connected and content.  Why?  All those great “feel good” hormones running through us…especially oxytocin, the “connecting” hormone.  Delight is good for us!

When we realllly tune inward and ask ourselves, “what delights my heart?” and we begin to get glimmers of what that is, as we follow those gems, we align ourselves with our true nature.  We actively and intentionally manifest those delights in our everyday life.

Read that again!  Aligning yourself with what delights your heart enables  you to intentionally and actively manifest these delights in your EVERYday life.  Not just on some Caribbean vacation.  Not just on the weekends, or date night, or summer break.  But every day.

credit: thislifewellness.com

And what happens?  The angst within us dissipates.  A deep sense of contentment springs from us while at the same time, we feel a sense of aliveness.  We live more connected to our Self and our dear ones.  We stop listening to the voices of our past, our pop culture, and we begin to learn that the “voice within” — the small still voice that turns us to what we truly delight – is the still voice of the Divine.

And we begin to transform our EVERYDAY lives – with this moment, this breath, this one decision.

And…get this…we inspire others to follow what delights THEIR hearts!

A true happiness takes up residence in our souls and begs us to share it with the world. Our very presence has the power to inspire others and our delight naturally spills out into our world. We transform suffering and manifest change by our very presence and simple acts of compassion.

THIS IS HOW WE TRANSFORM OUR WORLD.

So, here are five ways to follow what delights your heart:

1.  Pause.  Cultivate pausing in your day.  Here’s a post on the Sacred Pause.  Pausing enables us to regroup, get grounded, and focus on what’s most important instead of getting swallowed up in the abyss of Pinterest, Facebook, and the myopic focus that comes from being in stress mode.  Pausing throughout your day gets you in the habit of allowing your nervous system to ‘rest and digest.’

2. Go barefoot.  Go outside, feel your feet on the earth…in the green grass, in the mud.  Breathe in delight.  Breathe out gratitude.  Look around you. Notice all the beautiful simple delights right here for you to see!

3.  Share it.  Had a moment today where you just beamed with delight?  Did one of your kiddos do something that made you deeply smile?  Share it.  Tell your coworkers.  Post it on Facebook.  Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh often talks about sharing your delights, the goodness in your life, walking on the earth imprinting your delights not your woes on the earth.  Sharing further strengthens that neuropathway of “noticing the delight” in your life.  It also inspires others to do the same.

4.  List it.  Get out a piece of paper (and some art stuff if you have the energy!).  Without activating the “rational” brain, just write your responses to this question:  “what delights my heart?”

5.  Follow it.  If drawing delights your heart, draw.  If baking delights your heart, bake.  If giggling and connecting with your little ones delights your heart, get off the computer and go find your kiddos.  Whatever delights your heart, begin it.  In little ways.  Small ways.  Don’t make big lofty goals.  The brain loves to make pathways — when you “accomplish” something, you feel good about it.  The brain wants to repeat that.  So even after you are done reading this – commit to following what delights your heart in your next breath.  Even if it’s visualizing that canvas you’ve always wanted to paint or you pause and look at your kiddo and say, “You rock” because it delights you to connect with your children…do it.  You’ll feel good.  Your brain will want to repeat it.

Blessings of delight,

Lisa A. McCrohan

Visit us at the Barefoot Barn for body-centered psychotherapy, mindfulness coaching, yoga, workshops, and works of art to inspire more delight, compassion, and connection in our everyday lives.  ** Are you a parent?   I do mindful coaching over the phone.

Drop the Mama Guilt and Get Resourced

I’m a mindful parent. I also work with parents every day to bring more compassion and mindfulness into their lives, including their parenting. I think it’s fabulous how much attention parenting is getting these days. What drives me nuts are posts on some parenting sites and blogs that guilt mamas (and dads) into loving every minute of being a parent and being absolutely perfectly present in every moment.

Holy tamole. It’s too much! There is soooooooooo much focus on how to parent in loving and kind ways – how to effectively manage tantrums, teenagers talking back, and messy rooms. (Actually there is too much information out there that folks don’t know where to go and what to advise to listen to…and so they feel frozen).

And while that’s great, what I DON’T see much of is this: resourcing mom and dad. Teaching mom and dad how to be gentle and kind to ourselves. How to allow ourselves to be human. How to be present to our own hearts and yearnings and sadness and yes, even rage and mourning. And learning to gently tend to and nourish ourselves.

That’s the “harder” stuff. You can focus on discipline strategies ‘til you are blue in the face and things may change…for a moment. But the realllll shifts in our lives AND in our children (and their behavior) come from this: mom and dad learning to be kind and compassionate with our own selves.

We all want our children to grow to become confident, happy, and compassionate adults. A sure way to support this is for us to be kind and gentle with ourselves – to be with whatever rises up within us, responding with compassionate attention.

THIS is the foundation of every single effective parenting or disciplining strategy.

So enooooooough focus on guilting mama into loving every moment of the day. Enooooough telling us that “oh you’d better savor it because…” WE GET IT. Instead, let’s focus on the harder stuff to explain and put into words. Let’s focus on the murkier work. Let’s focus our attention on our own hearts and bodies. Ask yourself: what do you love? What is drawing your attention – from the depths of you?

Let yourself be silently drawn
by the strange pull of what you really love.
It will not lead you astray.
~ Rumi ~

Be the goddess you are. Be the goddess you are called to be. Maybe that means speaking your truth in a way that has been silenced for too long. Maybe that means wearing soft, flowy sensual clothing in fabrics that allow you to move and breathe. Maybe that’s creating, making art, painting, writing. Whatever it is, do it.

(By the way…the blogs/websites on my Blog Roll are about resourcing mamas!)

daring to drop it all to find the miraculous right here

“Dare to drop the perfect and find the miraculous in your everyday life. We are about living courageously right here in the middle of crazy mornings, mounds of laundry-folding, tantrums (ours and our children’s), deadlines, heartaches, and the quietly content moments. How? Cultivating delight, compassion, and connection in our everyday lives.” ~ from the Barefoot Barn

I wrote those words awhile back. Today they really resonate with me. Daring to drop the perfect as I have been home for several weeks now recouping from a brain injury. On the couch. In bed. I’ve HAD to drop the need to make things perfect — our home, how I parent, what kind of friend I am, how I am as a leader and therapist. This is HARD!

Yet…it’s in the daring to be IMPERFECT and having the courage to be RIGHT HERE in the PRESENT moment that we exhale and see that our lives are miraculous. Imperfect and miraculous. A precious gift.

And it IS quite daring these days to be imperfect — to not be the perfect parent who responds mindfully every single time her child acts up, to not be everything to everyone, to be vulnerable and in need, to not have it all together at a meeting (or on the playground, for god-sake!).

It IS an act of courage to BE RIGHT HERE instead of scattered in a million different directions never really present to our dear ones, let alone our own hearts and bodies. Social media is great. Iphones rock. But…we can get soooo easily addicted to them (myself included) and get lost in cyberworld instead of RIGHT HERE looking at the snow softly falling, the warm blanket wrapped around you, your child’s eyes filled with excitement telling you a story, nourishing food at your table, a warm house.

But I find that the times when I do just allow myself to be imperfect, I create spaciousness. I literally breathe more easily. I find that when I pause and connect to whoever happens to be in our kitchen, my whole nervous system settles. I find that when I notice the goodness all around me, I rest and I smile deeply.

That’s where I’m at right now…in the middle of breathing that wisdom in, letting it take up residence in my heart and body. Open to the wisdom of being imperfect and cultivating compassion for me and my dear ones…and seeing the miraculous in that.

Where’s the miraculous in your life right now?

Love to you all, Lisa

the ways others love us

These days, (now weeks) that I am recouping from a concussion…oh how they are humbling me, bringing me to what is most important, softening me, and bringing me back into the lap of God…to rest, renew, and heal.  Over the last three weeks, with the dizziness and nausea, the excruciating headaches and being off balance (literally), I have been in awe of the kindness others have shown us:

~ Neighbors and friends near and far bringing us dinner.
~ A friend making luscious salt and sugar scrubs and massaging my legs and feet and head…for an hour and a half.
~ Prayers.
~ A friend writing to say that she is running for me today.
~ A neighbor saying even people in her prayer group have asked about me.
~ A grocery bag full of good things.
~ “Check-ins” ….”Lisa, let us care for you.”
~ Offerings of running to the grocery store for us.
~ The gentle presence of dear ones in our lives…just here.
~ Even friends of friends who have had concussions calling and giving their advice!

It was all so much for my heart that the other day, when a neighbor brought over dog food for us (we were watching my parents’ dog..it’s healing to have Blondie here…think “little white and golden cockier spaniel”), I started to tear up.

“I’m so humbled by such kindness,” I said.

Neighbor: “This is testament to how you all care so much for others.  It’s your time to receive.”

It stopped me in my tracks.  My heart was overwhelmed, humbled, full.  Brian and I have oriented our lives around “service” and “community.”  We care for others.  We jump in when someone needs something, we are about sharing our resources, and we offer our home and hands when our presence might lighten someone’s suffering.  It’s weaved into who we are and who we are as a family.  It has been conscious and intentional.  But it’s just a way of life.

We do it because this is how the Divine moves through us.  We do it because we intentionally live with our hearts and eyes open.  Not always.  Not in every moment.  But surely as a “posture” in life.

But when my neighbor said this, I reflected for a moment…

It’s not for thanks or accolades.  That kind of  “service” is surface deep — it trails off easily, it’s short term, it’s “when it’s convenient”, it’s when it’s EASY, it points back to the “giver” rather than the one who is suffering.  No, Brian and I are in to tending to others for the long haul…and in simple, everyday ways, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s noticed or not.

But when our neighbor stood there tearing up with me and reflecting our goodness, I saw before me the life we have created, the life we are living, and the life we are creating.
And I smiled. Deep from within my heart.
And, I praised the divine.
I bowed in gratitude to the divine — in service and humility.
And all that I could say in my heart was, “thank you.”

I thought about her words: “It’s your time to receive.” And another friend’s word: “Lisa, when you allow others to care for you, you give them the opportunity to do something for you…and that is a gift. They want to do something.”

How many times have I — have any of us — “not received”…because of pride, the need to “have it all together? Or because it was all too tender and we didn’t have the words and it felt too private to let someone in and be in that tender, vulnerable place???

Yet, this is how we love each other. We give. We receive. It ebbs and flows. There’s a season for both.

And here I am, totally humbled by the kindness of others.  Allowing others in.  Being vulnerable.  Being “not all together”. Being broken and admitting that to another. This is hhhhhhhhhard. And yet…this is how we love and learn to be loved.

I’m learning. I’m learning. Imperfectly and without words at times. But I’m learning.

~ What season are you in right now? To receive or to offer?